Best ways to get over a breakup

In this article, I will teach you the best ways to get over a breakup and explain why working towards your progress instead of distracting yourself is the best way to get over your ex-partner.

Emotional pain can be as intense as physical pain. When someone you loved left or hurt you, you feel sad, heart-broken, angry, frustrated and disappointed.

Breaking up with the person you love can be extremely painful. Recovering from a breakup might seem impossible to you when you are hurt. However, there are ways to help you get over the breakup in a constructive way.

How to get over a breakup

“Someone I loved once gave me a box of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”- Mary Oliver.

Accept that the relationship is over. Your brain cannot start the healing process until you accept that there is no hope left for your relationship

Understand that sometimes love is not enough. There are many things that are essential for a relationship to work and progress. Love cannot replace everything that have been missing from your relationship

Cry and allow yourself to suffer. Don’t repress emotions and pretend everything is okay. Repressing your suffering will only intensify it.

Don’t get stuck on blaming and criticizing your ex. By resenting your ex, you will focus your energy on re-living your past instead of moving on toward your future.

Realize there is nothing wrong with you. Know your worth and don’t blame yourself if the relationship didn’t work. Sometimes, people are not compatible and someone else might be better suited for you.

Spend time with family and friends. You need people that are important to you to be there for you. Also, vent to your friends and get all the emotions out there. They will lose intensity once they are shared.

Give yourself as much time you need to heal. It is okay to still have feelings for your ex-partner, they played a significant role in your life. Don’t force the process. With time, pain will lessen.

Listen to sad songs. By listening to sad song you will realize you are not alone and there are many other people going through the same painful emotions you are. Also, when you listen to sad songs, you might cry, which releases tension and boosts your mood.

Cut off contact with your ex-partner. In order to heal, you need space. Keeping in contact with your ex will delay the healing process.

Give away anything that has to do with your ex-partner. If you are not ready to give them completely away, just pack them and put them in a box away. It might feel like the hardest thing to do as you give up a part of yourself, but in the long run it will help you get over your ex.

Don’t check what they are doing. This might be one of the hardest thing to do, but if you really want to heal and move on, you need to remove them completely from your life.

Be real with yourself. The relationship ended for a reason. Analyze what you could have done better. Not to criticize yourself or think of your mistakes as failures, but to learn valuable lessons for your next relationship.

Find the good in the bad. Think of the breakup as a new beginning, a new chance to start over and find someone more suitable for yourself. Get excited about life and new opportunities.

Work on yourself. Concentrate on becoming the best version of yourself before you are ready to start a new relationship.

Do little things for yourself. Buy yourself something you have been dreaming of, change your hair style, start a new diet or plan a new trip with your friends.

Pick up a new hobby. You have more time for yourself so use it wisely and do something you always wanted to do.

Forgive your ex for the pain they caused you. Do this for yourself! You won’t be able to move on until you let go of all the negative feelings they caused you.

Accept that the two of you were incompatible and in the long run, you will be thankful that you made the decision sooner than later.

Decide to move on. There are 7.5 billion people on the planet and even though none of them will be exactly like your ex, you could find someone better for you.

Start dating again. Be open to new possibilities and explore your options. Don’t rush into a new relationship unless you are ready.

Distraction vs. progress

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” – Kenji Miyazawa

In order to heal and move on after a breakup, you need to engage in activities that promote progress. The difference between distraction and progress is that by distracting yourself from feeling hurt and sad, you will always end up felling the same as soon as the things that distracted you have ended.

Distraction usually involve drinking, going out, spending time around other people, start dating again or engaging in activities that will temporary take your mind of your ex.

These techniques will work as long as you are involved in the activity, but as soon as it ends your mind will go back to thinking of your ex. This is a momentary release, but does not provide a long term solution from your heart-break.

On the other side, by working on your progress and achieving a sense of fulfillment you will feel confident and engaged.

Find something in your life that is important to you and focus on it, not to numb your feelings, but to achieve a feeling of pride and accomplishment.

Working on your progress, even if only small steps are taken, can have an enormous positive effect on your life.

 

Final thoughts

‘’If you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right one.”- Unknown

I hope this article has helped you get over your breakup and helped you understand that you are the most important person in your life. Working towards your progress and accepting the pain whilst taking positive steps to move on are the key elements to get over a breakup.

If you have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.

All the best,

Ioana,

lovenote-4u.com

  (Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists)

For counselling, coaching appointments and info scan the QR code:

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27 thoughts on “Best ways to get over a breakup”

  1. Hi Ioana,

    Thanks for another great article. What are your thoughts about the duration of a normal moving on process? You explain several ways of getting though this emotionally draining period but how long does it last before one should seek more advice and counselling?

    Ali

    Reply
    • Hi Ali,

      Thank you for your comment. When it comes to recovering time , there is no normal duration. People heal in different ways depending on the intensity of the relationship, the reasons for breaking up and ones ability to cope with the pain. For some could be weeks, whereas for others could be years.
      In regards to counselling, I believe anyone can benefit from it as soon as the relationship ends. There is no shame in trying to get help, guidance, advice and better understand your feelings and emotions.

      Kind regards,
      Ioana

      Reply
  2. Listening to sad songs was my coping mechanism back in the day. I haven’t had to deal with this for many years
    but I do remember going through it. Back then I listened to Air Supply. They had some pretty sappy music.
    You are right, a rebound relationship is only a short term answer. Unless you marry the rebound. Which can
    work out pretty good. I’ve been married to mine for over 25 years going strong.
    This was a fun read, for me anyway since I’m not going through it. For all those who are, hang in there, it does
    get easier as time passes. Time heals.

    Reply
    • Hi Teresa,

      Thank you for your comment. Different things work for different people. I have tried to cover most of the things that can help heal after a breakup. I am glad you could relate with a few.

      Wish you all the best,
      Ioana

      Reply
  3. It has been decades now since I live in a happy, stable relationship. But, as I read your article, I couldn’t help not remembering one, particularly painful break-up from my past. Actually, it was the last before I met my husband. The break that was actually initiated by me, was still extremely painful. I remember I wanted to somehow fall asleep and wake up in a couple of years, when it’s all gone. I never thought I’ll recover from it, ever. It took some time until I could let go off of my feelings, but I was determined to stay single, as I though it is the best way never to be hurt again. But, luckilly, life got in way in a good way and here I am, happier than I could have ever been in that broken up relationship. I can agree with each and every tip you are giving here, as I also went through all of that that, intuitively, and I know it worked.
    I also know your article will be helpful to many, even if read through tears. Very well done.

    Reply
    • Hi Minaher,

      Thank you for your comment. I am please to see that you think the advice here relates to anyone who goes through a breakup. I hope many people will benefit from the advice in this article. As you mentioned, when you are hurt you just want it to be over. However, in order to heal from a breakup, you need to allow yourself to suffer and recover.

      Wish you all the best,
      Ioana

      Reply
  4. Like your other articles, this was also another great read 🙂 very useful and helpful tips to getting over a breakup.
    It may feel like the worst time of your life when you are going through a break up, divorce, or even a death of a significant other.
    I can relate to a lot of your pointers when I was going through a breakup a couple years ago. The emotional attachment was so strong and undoing it all was super painful. Even though, I found myself listening to sad songs all the time, it really just only saddened me further and then I realized I needed to change my preference in music to a more uplifting genre and that made me feel more hopeful about finding love again. I also deleted and threw out every tangible memory I had of my ex (pics on phone, emails, gifts, etc).
    Another thing I wanted to share was that I read somewhere that the time it takes for people to get over their break up varies greatly but for the most part, there is this little rule in place that defines the normal time frame. They say it is half the time of your entire relationship. So, if your relationship lasted 1 year.. then the time it will take you to get over that breakup would be 6 months and so on. Have you heard about this? What are your thoughts on this?

    Reply
    • Hi Sasha,

      Thank you for your comment. There are different stages and steps to follow. Listening to sad music is very useful soon after the break-up.
      I have not read this information before. In my opinion, the length of the relationship is not the only factor to determine how long it takes to heal. Somme couples break up after years and recover very quickly. There are different factors to take in consideration when it comes to healing after a break-up.

      Kind regards,
      Ioana

      Reply
  5. Hi Ioana,

    Another really great and important article. I really wish I came across this article just about a year ago. I was having a bit of a rough time and I lost my then girlfriend. We were talking about getting engaged, but things started to fall apart and in the end she couldn’t take it anymore.

    But, I’m better now and with someone new. I really think you will help so many people with your article, especially the people who were in my situation last year.

    Thank you for sharing and keep up the amazing work.

    All the best,

    Tom

    Reply
    • Hi Tom,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see that you have found my advice very useful for people who are going through a rough time at the end of their relationship. I hope many people will use this advice to heal from painful breakups.

      Wish you all the best,
      Ioana

      Reply
  6. Great article here. You explain different ways of getting though breakups but after how long one should seek more advice and counselling? I know for fact that it can take a while before healing, and after the healing, it is not easy to give your trust to someone else.
    Lyne

    Reply
    • Hi Line,

      Thank you for your comment. If financially possible, I would personally recommend everyone to access counselling after a breakup. It is a great way of understanding yourself and the relationship better. It helps you clear your mind, organise your thoughts and emotions.I hope this helps.

      Kind regards,
      Ioana

      Reply
  7. You always provide such awesome suggestions and tips in all your posts, and the Best Ways To Get Over A Breakup you really provided some great ideas how to recover from your emotional pain. One way I recover from any emotional upsets in my life is by focusing on helping others, so this is what works the best for me but maybe not for everyone.

    I just love how helpful your posts are

    Jeff

    Reply
    • Hi Jeff,

      Thank you for your comment. I think the way you recover from emotional pain is a very good way. Not only helps you recover, but you also help other people in their journey.

      Wish you all the best,
      Ioana

      Reply
  8. Thank you for this well-written article full of helpful advice for those going through a breakup. While it has been over 30 years since I have gone through a breakup, I still recall using many of those methods you suggested and they helped tremendously even when I initiated the breakup back then.
    Several of those same principles could be applied to losing a partner to death as well. I tend to think that regardless of you lose a partner, the necessary recovery time is different for each relationship. Different factors come into play here such as how long did the relationship last? Was it a healthy relationship or abusive? What are your thoughts? Do you think these different factors also determine the amount of healing time that may be necessary?

    Reply
    • Hi Deb,

      Thank you for your comment. Of course, all these factors are very important when it comes to healing time and process. Not all relationships are the same and provide us with the intensity and variety of emotions. Dealing with breakup is a very difficult subject to address and in most cases, it needs to be addressed individually.

      Kind regards,
      Ioana

      Reply
  9. I wish I could’ve seen this article in my younger days, it would’ve saved me a ton of pain haha. I absolutely agree by working on yourself, it will allow you to grow and develop self confidence and strength. There are many ways to overcome past heartbreak, but the biggest thing is learning from them and making sure that the next one doesn’t affect you as much as the last one did. Great job on this article!

    Reply
    • Hi Joshua,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see that you would have benefited from this article in your younger days. I hope you will share this article with anyone going through a rough breakup.

      Kind regards,
      Ioana

      Reply
  10. Hi Ioana,

    Thanks for this amazing article. I can really see the sense in all the advice that you give here.

    I love the quote “If you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right one”. That has really made me stop and think, It’s so true, but I’d never actually thought about it before.

    I completely agree with you when you say don’t check up on your ex. It’s so super easy to click onto facebook! There isn’t anything good to come out of it, its easier to block them and avoid the temptation altogether.

    Enjoyed reading this so much!

    Reply
    • Hi Judy,

      Thank you for your comment. I am glad to see that you enjoyed reading my article. It is true, checking up on your ex is one of the biggest mistakes that will prevent you from starting the healing process.

      Kind regards,
      Ioana

      Reply
  11. Great article, Ioana! It’s so easy for us to get caught up in messy breakups-What could I have done better? How did I not see this coming? -, but we have the power to decide whether we’re going to learn from it, or allow it to ruin our lives.
    Whatever the cause of a breakup, we are strong, we are beautiful, and we do need and deserve love. I have saved your site and will share it with my friends and family. God bless you!

    Reply
    • Hi C.N.,

      Thank you for your comment. What you said is entirely true, we have the power to decide if we let a breakup ruin our lives or we are going to move on, learning important lessons from it.

      Kind regards,
      Ioana

      Reply
  12. Such useful tips in relation to best ways to get over a breakup. In the past, I have stayed in a relationship because I could not think of ways to get over the person. Overtime, I hoped that things will get better but they never did. When I finally gathered the courage to leave, what helped was taking on a new hobby of journaling and meditation. I concentrated on ‘me’ and as you rightly say, “you have more time for yourself so use it wisely and do something you always wanted to do”.

    Great article!

    Reply
    • Hi Ekufaa,

      Thank you for your comment. I strongly believe that the best way to get over any breakup is to move the focus on yourself, to do something for yourself. This will give you the feeling of achievement and you will realize that better things are coming.

      Kind regards,
      Ioana

      Reply
  13. I don’t normally sweat a breakup as much as I consider myself a pretty strong person, but my current relationship had at one point gotten so low that it was kept together by a single strand, a tiny glimmer of hope. It felt like we’ve already broken up and I have never been as hurt like this, perhaps because I finally have found that one person I truly wanted to spend my life with. But the agony I went through was unreal, this was felt on both sides and I had no idea what to do, it was constant fighting and disagreements and mistrust; I was ready to end it all eventually. Thankfully we’re still together, stronger and better than ever, happier too. This article would’ve proven very useful during that time but I’m glad I came across it, well written and very informative. Thank you very much for sharing 🙂

    Reply
    • Hi Kevin,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I am happy to see that you managed to go through those rough times and came back even stronger. That is the beauty of relationships.

      Wish you all the best,
      Ioana

      Reply

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