In this article, I will teach you the best ways to get over a breakup and explain why working towards your progress instead of distracting yourself is the best way to get over your ex-partner.
Emotional pain can be as intense as physical pain. When someone you loved left or hurt you, you feel sad, heart-broken, angry, frustrated and disappointed.
Breaking up with the person you love can be extremely painful. Recovering from a breakup might seem impossible to you when you are hurt. However, there are ways to help you get over the breakup in a constructive way.
How to get over a breakup
“Someone I loved once gave me a box of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”- Mary Oliver.
Accept that the relationship is over. Your brain cannot start the healing process until you accept that there is no hope left for your relationship
Understand that sometimes love is not enough. There are many things that are essential for a relationship to work and progress. Love cannot replace everything that have been missing from your relationship
Cry and allow yourself to suffer. Don’t repress emotions and pretend everything is okay. Repressing your suffering will only intensify it.
Don’t get stuck on blaming and criticising your ex. By resenting your ex, you will focus your energy on re-living your past instead of moving on toward your future.
Realise there is nothing wrong with you. Know your worth and don’t blame yourself if the relationship didn’t work. Sometimes, people are not compatible and someone else might be better suited for you.
Spend time with family and friends. You need people that are important to you to be there for you. Also, vent to your friends and get all the emotions out there. They will lose intensity once they are shared.
Give yourself as much time you need to heal. It is okay to still have feelings for your ex-partner, they played a significant role in your life. Don’t force the process. With time, pain will lessen.
Listen to sad songs. By listening to sad song you will realise you are not alone and there are many other people going through the same painful emotions you are. Also, when you listen to sad songs, you might cry, which releases tension and boosts your mood.
Cut off contact with your ex-partner. In order to heal, you need space. Keeping in contact with your ex will delay the healing process.
Give away anything that has to do with your ex-partner. If you are not ready to give them completely away, just pack them and put them in a box away. It might feel like the hardest thing to do as you give up a part of yourself, but in the long run it will help you get over your ex.
Don’t check what they are doing. This might be one of the hardest thing to do, but if you really want to heal and move on, you need to remove them completely from your life.
Be real with yourself. The relationship ended for a reason. Analyse what you could have done better. Not to criticise yourself or think of your mistakes as failures, but to learn valuable lessons for your next relationship.
Find the good in the bad. Think of the breakup as a new beginning, a new chance to start over and find someone more suitable for yourself. Get excited about life and new opportunities.
Work on yourself. Concentrate on becoming the best version of yourself before you are ready to start a new relationship.
Do little things for yourself. Buy yourself something you have been dreaming of, change your hair style, start a new diet or plan a new trip with your friends.
Pick up a new hobby. You have more time for yourself so use it wisely and do something you always wanted to do.
Forgive your ex for the pain they caused you. Do this for yourself! You won’t be able to move on until you let go of all the negative feelings they caused you.
Accept that the two of you were incompatible and in the long run, you will be thankful that you made the decision sooner than later.
Decide to move on. There are 7.5 billion people on the planet and even though none of them will be exactly like your ex, you could find someone better for you.
Start dating again. Be open to new possibilities and explore your options. Don’t rush into a new relationship unless you are ready.
Distraction vs. progress
“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” – Kenji Miyazawa
In order to heal and move on after a breakup, you need to engage in activities that promote progress. The difference between distraction and progress is that by distracting yourself from feeling hurt and sad, you will always end up felling the same as soon as the things that distracted you have ended.
Distraction usually involve drinking, going out, spending time around other people, start dating again or engaging in activities that will temporary take your mind of your ex.
These techniques will work as long as you are involved in the activity, but as soon as it ends your mind will go back to thinking of your ex. This is a momentary release, but does not provide a long term solution from your heart-break.
On the other side, by working on your progress and achieving a sense of fulfilment you will feel confident and engaged.
Find something in your life that is important to you and focus on it, not to numb your feelings, but to achieve a feeling of pride and accomplishment.
Working on your progress, even if only small steps are taken, can have an enormous positive effect on your life.
‘’If you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right one.”- Unknown
I hope this article has helped you get over your breakup and helped you understand that you are the most important person in your life. Working towards your progress and accepting the pain whilst taking positive steps to move on are the key elements to get over a breakup.
If you have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.
All the best,
(Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists)
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