Change your thoughts to change your life!

In this article I will present techniques that will help you change your thoughts and ultimately change your life and relationship.

Your self-esteem and the way you perceive the world around you can have a negative influence on your relationship. Read more about self-confidence and relationships here.

The main stressors in your life, especially in times of uncertainty, are work and unemployment. Your job takes a lot of our time and energy. On the other hand, being unemployed brings a lot of uncertainty and takes away structure and financial security.

The way you perceive both the situation and your ability to cope with it can have a massive impact on your well-being by increasing your stress levels.

It is important to address and change your negative thoughts in order to positively change your life and relationship.

How to cope with work-related stress

Work related stress consists of 2 types of stressors: within your control and beyond your control. It is important to identify the stressors within your control and take positive steps to change them.

If the stressors are beyond your control, you might have to look at a way to change the way you think and respond to them. Read more about understanding your stressors and how to cope with stress here.

The following techniques will help you manage work-related stress and improve your quality of life:

  • Maintain a healthy work-life balance. When you are stressed, you tend to focus your attention to the main cause of your stress. However, by neglecting other areas of your life and placing too much emphasis on the stress area, you tend to increase stress and find it harder to cope and be effective.
  • Don’t get defined by your job. Even if your work brings you a huge amount of satisfaction, it is important to find your self-worth in different areas of your life.
  • Manage your time.  When you are under pressure, you could become overwhelmed and less effective. Use time management tools. There are effective time management tools that can help you learn how to prioritize the important tasks at work.
  • Communicate clearly. Positive communications at work can help you cope with work stressors. However, when conflict arises and you feel lack of support from your managers or colleagues, developing communication skills can help you improve relationships at work and reduce stressors that resulted from a lack of clarity.  Learn how to improve your communication style here.

How to cope with unemployment stress

Being out of work can be extremely stressful, especially when you have little or no control of it. However, there are different things you can do to keep yourself well until the next job.

  • Stick to your previous sleeping schedule. When you don’t have a job, you will be tempted to sleep until late and go bed later. It is important to go to bed and wake up around the same time every day in order to prevent oversleeping or lack of sleep.
  • Don’t spend the whole day searching for a new job.  Schedule your time and plan your day ahead. Whilst is important to spend a lot of time job searching, you need to make sure that you spend some of your time engaging in activities you enjoy.
  • Create a budget. It is important to create a budget and stick to it. Also, check if there are any benefits that you might be entitled to. Contact your bank and suppliers and try to make arrangements for any bill you might struggle paying.
  • Remember it is all temporary. It’s difficult to see this when there is no end in sight, but sooner or later the situation will be over.
  • Take care of yourself. When you are stressed, you tend to forget the activities you enjoy doing that help you focus on other things. However, this is the most important time to take care of you. Mediate, exercise, spend quality time with others and engage in activities that you enjoy.
  • Find an online course. It will give you a sense of pride and it will keep you engaged. Not only you will learn a new skill, but also you will spend less time overthinking.

These techniques are beneficial when you deal with stress. However, your thoughts play the most important role in your ability to cope with stressful situations. Your thoughts can help you alleviate stress, but they can also worsen it.

Thoughts and stress- an overview

There are 3 factors that are involved in your assessment of a stressful event: the event, how you perceive it and how you assess your resources to deal with it. As you can see, the first factor is beyond your control. Nevertheless, the other two factors are the product of your thoughts.

Your interpretation of the situation and what you tell yourself about your ability to cope with it can aggravate stress. This is why people can perceive changes such as moving home or starting a new job as stressful, whilst others as exciting.

Evaluate the situation

The way you evaluate your current circumstances is based on your own beliefs, past similar experiences and the assessment of your ability to cope with them.

First step in understanding your thoughts is to pay attention to them and evaluate how they affect your stress levels. The second step is to objectively divide them into the following categories: helpful and unhelpful.

Helpful thoughts reflect reality, whereas unhelpful thoughts exaggerate the reality and underestimate your ability to cope with it.

Negative and unhelpful thoughts

You don’t consciously acknowledge all thoughts that go through your mind. However, your subconscious mind accepts and believes them without questioning. Despite their transitory nature, these thoughts can cause you stress and negative feelings.

When you think negatively about yourself, you become stressed, sad, anxious and frustrated. With time, this can lead to psychological and physical problems.

Challenge your thoughts

Most people believe their thoughts without questioning them. However, thoughts are not facts. In order to change your unhelpful thoughts, you need to believe your new, helpful thoughts.

By challenging your thoughts in a deliberate way, you can come to a new conclusion based on reality. In order to achieve positive thinking try to complete this exercise:

  1. Write down the evidence that supports your negative thoughts
  2. Write down the evidence that contradicts your negative thoughts
  3. Ask yourself if you are being overly negative
  4. Ask yourself if your thoughts are distorted
  5. Write down alternative thoughts that are more helpful and realistic

Develop constructive thinking

In order to develop constructive thinking you need to develop balanced optimism. Balanced optimism allows people to be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best. Balanced optimism believes in the best outcome, whilst remaining realistic about the situation.

Optimistic people tend to face challenges and looking for solutions to overcome them rather than give up. Some people are naturally optimistic. For those who are not, there are ways to cultivate optimism.

How to cultivate balanced optimism

  • Challenge your negative thinking after a positive event.
  1. Think what role you played in the positive event.
  2. Find similar situations where you acted the same way.
  3. Identify this positive trait and accept it as part of your personality.
  • Challenge your negative thinking after a negative event.
  1. Look for outside factors that might have negatively impacted the outcome.
  2. In case you cannot find any outside factors, think if there was anything specific happening to you at that moment (tiredness or stress).
  3. Accept the negative event, learn from it and move on.
  4. Don’t identify a negative trait that you can attribute to your personality.

Change your thoughts to change your life!

Your relationship with your partner and people around you can positively change by learning how to cope with work related stress and unemployment.

Start to implement the techniques I shared with you, cultivate balanced optimism and you will see how your life will start to improve day by day!

If you have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.

All the best,

Yoana
lovenote-4u.com

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36 thoughts on “Change your thoughts to change your life!”

  1. Hello 👋

    You covered many great ways to deal with stress. I like how you basically mentioned to not stress over stress. I used to do that all of the time.
    I learned some very good tips from you. I really think many people will benefit from learning how to challenge his or her thoughts.

    Great post👍

    Reply
    • Hi Greg,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I am glad to see that you enjoyed reading my article and that you learned good techniques to help you overcome stress.

      Kind regards,
      Yoana

      Reply
  2. You are absolutely right, the main stressors in my life has always been work. As much as I like to balance work and personal life, it is just inevitable and I always go right back to that stressed mode. 

    I think time management is very important. If I dedicated too much time over worked then I am stressed because I work too much and have no time for myself. Or, if I work too little then I am stressed again. It is a personal journey in all of us to find that perfect balance that work for us. 

    As far as unemployment, I am stress about it at the moment but I know for the fact that work will resume soon. In the mean time budgeting is my priority. Let’s be honest, I do not have anywhere to spend money anyways only food. 

    I guess stay positive and forgive yourself is the way to go here. You cannot blame yourself and stress over something that is out of our control (pandemic). 

    Stay safe and take it one day at a time 🙂 

    Reply
    • Hi Nuttanee,

      Thank you very much for your comment.  I cannot agree with you more, it is very difficult to balance work and personal life. I hope the techniques shown in this post will be useful to you. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  3. Brilliant article to read, found it interesting to the point of commenting on how great a read I actually found it, well done and keep up the good work.
    This I have book marked for reference to it in the future!
    Thanks Jason

    Reply
  4. Really good read Yoana.
    Sleeping pattern is often neglected but it can exacerbate the stress spiral and lead to other physical and mental problems.
    When I was struggling to find employment i was still volunteering and that helped me maintain my routine.
    I enjoy reading your posts.

    Reply
    • Hi Ali,

      Thank you for your comment. Volunteering is a great way to maintain your routine and add value to your life in case of unemployment. Thank you for sharing.

      Kind regards,
      Yoana

      Reply
  5. Great post. The job stress struck a chord with me to be honest. I will most certainly be putting your points in managing this to good use. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Hi Russ,

      Thank you for your comment. I hope the techniques presented in this article will make a positive impact in your life.

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  6. Hello, thank you so much for this very inspiring article, personally I have been battling with work related stress for the past one (1) years now, I always return home tired and not wanting to back the next day, this has really affected my social life and relationship with my girlfriend, Now that I have found this i hope put into pratice the technique you’ve shared in this article. I hope to return with a testimony.

    Reply
    • Hi Jomata,

      I am very pleased to see that you enjoyed reading my article.  I hope you can benefit from the techniques presented here. I am looking forward to hearing back from you with any updates. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  7. Hey,

    Our thoughts at this very difficult time in this pandemic are so important. There is a lot of talk about mental health, some of it is helpful and some it isn’t which creates these negative thoughts. With negative thoughts causes more stress.

    Your article is really helpful, especially when combating the negative thoughts. I think a lot of people will benefit (including me).

    Thank you for sharing and keep up the amazing work on your site.

    All the best,

    Tom

    Reply
    • Hi Tom,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see that you enjoyed reading my article. It is true, there is a lot of information out there for anyone who seeks help in these times. I hope my article can help many people.

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  8. Work and unemployment during times of duress can be two of the most challenging things to overcome. Changing one’s thoughts also can be critical when it comes to adapting to these challenging times. I like how you categorized work-related coping into things we can and cannot control. Once we’ve identified what we can and cannot control we can begin to breathe again, which allows us to focus on the things that we can control while pushing aside the latter. Time management and communication are key as you’ve pointed out so well here. Implementing these techniques during these unprecedented times is a step toward mental clarity and happiness. Great guide and keep up the good work! 

    Reply
    • Hi Pentrental,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I am happy to see that my post gave you a better understanding work-related stress and how to focus on the areas that are under your control. I hope this guide we’ll help people overcome stress and negative thinking. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  9. “Cultivate balanced optimism” the quote that I learned today from your very inspiring and informative article. 

    Everyone has a lot of stress  include me in. Negative and unhelpful thoughts, these are my number one enemy that I cannot recent. But thanks to your topic today that it helped me a lot in coping this. 

    Your presentation of your topic was vivid and thorough. I admired you for that. Excellent topic.

    Jerry

    Reply
    • Hi Jerry,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I am happy you found my article inspiring and you learn something new. I hope the techniques presented in the article will help you cope with the unhelpful thoughts and develop helpful thoughts.

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  10. Hey nice article you have there. This is exactly what I need to tackle my stress, the negative effect of stress has caused me for the passed years is not something to reckon on. I am delighted to see an article that will help me out of stress. I will surely put all process into practice, hoping for the best results.

    Reply
    • Hi,

      I am happy to see you are going to use these techniques in order to overcome stress. I am sure with perseverance you will see results soon. Please keep me update on your progress.

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  11. Hi Yoana,

    I love your site, it is so deep and meaningful, I commented the post about the different ways men and women feel in various situations.

    The ideas you give are very useful, and can really help to rationally face stress. I read many books about it, and you summarized the most important ideas in one post.

    This is a very good way to help people.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Have a great day,

    Andrea

    Reply
    • Hi Andrea,

      Thank you very much. I am happy to see that you believe I have managed to summarise  in my article the most important ways to deal with stress. I have read and studied in great depth this subject and I found that the ideas presented in this article were found in most of my research.

      Kid regards,

      Yoana

      Reply
  12. Hey Yoana, thanks for the intriguing and highly-touching post! I’ve always been stressed at work being a teacher for more than 20 years and all I could get is just the monthly payment with nothing else to show for it. This seriously impacted my social life and relationship with my spouse and family.

    Glad I stumbled at this inspiring post! I hope to experience a new and stress-free life upon applying those tips. Thanks for the help!

    Israel Olatunji

    Reply
    • Hi Olatunji,

      I wish you all the success in your journey and I hope by applying these techniques you will learn how to overcome stress. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  13. One thing I have noticed and had to tackle head on in my own life is that when stress comes, healthy habits tend to go by the wayside. I have found that you really have to work hard to prevent stress from overwhelming your entire life. I definitely have had problems with negative thoughts (and still do, to a certain extent), but it was actually Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which you mentioned in a different post, that helped me to deal with them most effectively. Thank you so much for your advice!

    Reply
    • Hi Steve,

      I cannot agree with you more, when stress is present in our life, we tend to forget our healthy habits and let the stressors take over our life. 

      Thank you for reading my articles and practice the tips and techniques presented here. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  14. Thats very correct yoana…we should develop balanced optimism but before doing that we really have to accept the fact that what is happening today and to our life is very true and we have to accept that we are now unemployed due to the global pandemic but maybe it is a blessing in disguised because if you continue working…then you can be infected and got sick and the worst is it can lead to your demise,just like for example…my close friend of mine was unlawfully reassigned to another far health facility last dec. 2019 and he refused to follow his superior and filed a case against his boss due to graved abuse of authority and my friend filed an official leave of absence from his work last dec. 2019 and then came the covid19 pandemic and most of the health worker was assigned as frontliner and many of them got sick and was grief stricken…good thing he filed a leave of absence until now ..but plan to return for work soon after the pandemic subside but he got ample of time to think and develop some preventive  strategies against covid19 pandemic spread…likewise had a wise decision of filing a timely leave of absence for him to properly think of filing a legal action against his boss. Thank you for sharing and stay healthy! 

    Reply
    • Hi Iaertes

      Thank you for your comment. As you explained above , there is a positive in every negative situation and by developing balanced optimism we are more efficient in discovering this positive aspect.

      Kind regards,

      Yoana

      Reply
  15. It is a very informative article you have written, and you address in-depth ways to change. Challenging myself to think positively has been the gateway for me to break from my shell. It is not easy, but on the form of how I view things now in life, it has been all worth it. There is so much to learn from this article.I will put the tips in to practise!

    Reply
    • Hi Tuma,

      I found myself in the same position as you and I had to challenge myself to change my negative thinking. From all my research and books I  have read,  I found the ones presented in this article the most beneficial in my journey. I hope many people can reach this article and benefit from the techniques.

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  16. Thank you so much for this article.  We all get so wound up in situations that we don’t take time to look at what is in our circle of control and what’s outside of it.  It can get to the point that we can’t even tell the difference!  

    The most important point you made, in my opinion, is to look rationally at the situation and ask yourself what you did to cause it.  What can you do to change it?  Can it be changed?  Can you remove yourself from the situation?  It’s also important, as you said, to live and learn and let things go.  

    The second most important, I think, is to consider what it is that you do well.  “Hey, I really sucked at that but I’m really good at this other thing”.  Give yourself a pat on the back because of the things you do well, both physically and emotionally.  

    Thank you for reminding that all is not lost.  Ever.

    Reply
    • Hi Cyntia,

      Thank you very much for your comment. Like you emphasised, it is important to see the good in yourself and to let go of the negative thinking .  By looking at the situation from an object angle, you get a different perspective of your stressors. 

      Kind regards,

      Yoana

      Reply
  17. Hello there, thanks a lot for sharing this wonderful piece of information here with us. I must say i really did enjoyed going through your article. You covered many great ways to deal with stress. I like how you basically mentioned to not stress over stress. I used to do that all of the time.I learned some very good tips from you. I really think many people will benefit from learning how to challenge his or her thoughts. Thanks 

    Reply
    • Hi Philebur, 

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see that you enjoyed reading my article and you learned good techniques that will help you challenge and overcome negative thinking. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  18. I must admit, I look like that frog sometimes LOL. That’s what happens to a person when you work 10-12 hours per day. However, I’ve taken your advice to maintain a healthy work-life balance, and things are slowly getting back to normal. Since I’m not “hustling” no more all the time, the speed of my results has fallen. But at least I have more time for other things that are equally and even more important in life. Thanks a lot for sharing this article. I like your site a LOT! Keep up the good work 🙂

    Reply
    • Hi Ivan,

      Thank you for the comment and for following the advice in this article. I am happy to see that your life balance improved and you have realised that there are other things more important in your life that need your time and attention.

      Kind regards,
      Yoana

      Reply

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