In this article, I will present the seven main categories of emotional needs in relationships and explain how to make your partner feel loved and appreciated every day.
When you are in love, your understanding of your partner needs and emotions seems to come easy to you. Your communication comes effortless and you do everything you can do to make your partner happy.
As time goes by, you notice that things get more complicated and you find it harder and harder to communicate to your partner. This is absolutely normal.
Biologically, when you are in love your endorphins levels are extremely high, hence the euphoria state you are in. However, your body cannot physically function for long periods of time with high levels of endorphins.
When the endorphins levels begin to fade, you find yourself less ecstatic and more pragmatic. You observe realities about your partner that you chose to ignore before and find your conversations harder than before. Read more about the stages of love and how to reach true love here.
The idea of true love is misunderstood by many people. True love occurs when reason and emotion come together. It requires commitment, discipline and most importantly, it recognises the need for personal growth.
True love is a choice. We need to commit to our relationship and learn how to meet our partner true emotional needs in order to nurture and develop our relationship.
There are 7 different categories of emotional needs that require to be nurtured consistently in order to elevate our love.
1. Offering appreciation and compliments
“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: it makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” – Voltaire
Simple and straight forward compliments are greater motivator than criticism. We are more likely to do something our partner’s desire when we receive compliments and appreciation.
It is also important to affirm your partner in front of others and talk positively about them with other people.
2. Offering encouragement
‘’Support your partner one hundred per cent. For them, your support might be more important than their success’’- Dr. Sarvesh Jain
Encourage your partner and support their dreams. Sometimes we lack the courage or the self-confidence to take certain actions. When we feel supported and encouraged, we tend to find it easier to follow our dreams.
However, the encouragement needs to be sincere and directed to your partner’s dreams. If you try to motivate your partner to improve in an area they do not desire to, they will perceive your encouragement as judgemental.
3. Offering little gifts
”If you love someone, the greatest gift you can give them is your presence.” Thich Nhat Hanh
Offer your partner small gifts as a reminder of your love. These gifts don’t have to be expensive or even cost anything.
Sometimes, a gift can be a meal you cooked for your partner, cleaning their car or give them a ride back home after an evening out with their friends.
Give yourself to your partner.Being there for your partner is the most important gift you can offer them. No material thing will ever replace the support you can give them in the moments they need you the most.
4. Using kind words
”Good words bring good feelings to the heart”- Rod Williams
In order to grow your relationship, you need to be kind towards your partner. When your partner seems frustrated, you can use a loving, soft tone to calm them and avoid the argument.
When you want your partner to do a certain task, don’t demand. Demands drive your partner away. Instead, give guidance and express your request in a nice manner. By demanding and criticising, you make your partner feel belittled. In fact, demands suffocate the possibility of your partner acting on a certain task.
5. Offering forgiveness
‘‘There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”- Bryant H. McGill
Learn how to leave the past in the past. Accept that it cannot be erased or changed. Don’t bring the failures of yesterday into today. The day will start with negative emotions and resentment towards your partner. If your partner has recognised their mistakes and asked for forgiveness, let the failures of the past be history. Leaving free from yesterday’s mistake is a choice.
6. Offering undivided attention
“There’s a lot of difference between listening and hearing.”- G. K. Chesterton
Give quality time to your partner by spending time together without engaging in any other activity, offering them your full attention.
Listen to your partner and make an effort to understand their emotions, feelings and desires. Don’t listen to reply or to give advice. Listen to give sympathy, to show them that you are there in order to support and love them.
7. Physical contact
“Nothing eases suffering like human touch.”-Bobby Fischer
Holding hands, kisses, hugs and being intimate with your partner is essential in order to nurture your love and relationship. A simple touch or a hug when you are sad might be the only thing that can make you feel better.
Find out your partner’s emotional needs
By consistently giving your partner these loving gestures, you will be able to maintaining a healthy and emotionally satisfying relationship.
However, people tend to express their feelings in different ways, depending on their primarily emotional needs. Everyone has between one and three main emotional needs that need to be satisfied in order to feel loved.
This is not to say that the others can be ignored. By understanding your partner’s emotional needs, you can focus on offering them the love they most need.
Many times, what works for you, might not work for your partner. Whilst you might appreciate compliments or encouragements, your partner might crave undivided attention or physical contact.
An efficient way to identify your partner’s primarily emotional desires is to pay attention to their criticism. Next time they express their frustration, try to identify in which of these seven categories their emotional need falls.
If your partner is consistently expressing frustrations that fall into the same category, you have identified your partner’s primarily emotional need.
I hope this article helped you understand the seven categories of human’s emotional needs and identify your partner’s primarily emotional need. Once you learn what to focus your attention on to make your partner feel loved, your relationship will improve completely.
If you have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.
All the best,
(Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists)
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