How to create a new self

In this article, I will teach you how to create a new self and how to change your thoughts, feelings and behaviours to match what you truly desire.

Why changing involves more than just positive thinking?

Most people fear change as it entails discomfort, inconvenience and most importantly, a period of confusion. Furthermore, it takes time, effort and commitment to achieve real change.

On the contrary of what most individuals believe, our subjective mind influences our objective world, not the other way around. People, places and events cannot make you feel a certain way without your permission.

You can create problems in your life when you give power to anyone or anything over how you think, feel and react. Then, by focusing on the problems you have, you will reinforce those problems and make them feel so real, even though you are not experiencing them in the present moment.

You are creating a level of mind that is identical to the past because your brain is automatically firing existing circuits to reflect everything you already know, have experienced and can predict. Your past becomes your present and also your future. You are continually reaffirming your life as you know it and associate everything in your outer world with who you are as a person.

Your thinking becomes influenced by the conditions you experience in your life. You are creating a mind that only reaffirms those circumstances into your specific reality and you become an effect of circumstances outside yourself, losing control of your destiny.

When your environment is influencing your mind, your inner mind and outer world become almost inseparable and create your personality.


How thoughts, emotions and actions are connected

Our thoughts influence our emotions which in turn influence our behaviour. The more we feel and act in a certain way, the more we produce similar thoughts that match our state of being. Read more about the connection between thoughts, feelings and behaviours here.

Repeated thoughts, feelings and behaviours will become automatic, unconscious habits. If you keep thinking the same thoughts, feeling the same emotions and behave in the same way, you will train your brain to reproduce the same thoughts, and feelings.

Your thoughts activate your brain to produce the chemicals in your body that match your thoughts. So you will eventually feel the way you were thinking. If you have positive thoughts, your body will respond to them and create positive feelings like joy, happiness, excitement. On the other side, if you have negative thoughts, your body will respond to your thoughts and produce negative feelings like sadness, anger, depression, anxiety and disappointment.

By thinking negatively, your body starts to produce those chemicals responsible for negative feelings, which in turn, will produce even more negative thoughts. You begin to feel the way you think and then to think the way you feel.

When mind and body are in unison, a state of being is created. As you feel and think in the same way, you become familiar with an emotional state.

Thinking and feeling the same over a period of time creates persistent states of mind. You then identify yourself with these states of mind and memorised feelings and they become your personality traits.

Over the years, you have conditioned your body to remember feelings without conscious thought. By reproducing the same emotional events from your past, your body is recreating the past and generates the same thoughts, feelings and behaviours over and over.

You become a series of automatic subconscious programmes who take over your conscious mind. Your behaviour is then determined not by the conscious mind, but by those unconscious feelings and emotions.

Why are you resisting change?

You reinforce your thoughts and feelings as you are afraid to lose your identity. At an unconscious level, you fear that if you forget about all your problems, stress and negative emotions, you will lose your identity and would’t know what to do next.

When you try to change and break the emotional state your body is programmed to feel, it goes into chaos. As your subconscious mind only knows what is programmed to do, it will reinforce and reintroduce those familiar feelings in order to establish order.

In order to truly change you need to unlearn old thinking patterns and relearn new thinking ones based on who you would like to think, feel and behave.

Over the years, you have trained your body to live with those negative feelings and when you decide to finally change, you are interfering with your body and going contrary to its subconscious programming.

Your body becomes addicted to the negative emotions, as it would become addicted to drugs or alcohol. Trying to change this emotional pattern feels like going through drug withdrawal.
Once your body is not getting the usual signals from the brain about feeling the way it used to, it becomes disrupted.

At a conscious level, this process seems absurd, why would you want to feel angry, depressed, sad, guilty, ashamed , frustrated? But at the unconscious level, it feels good to feel bad as you have conditioned your body to become addicted to all the negative emotions.

Like any other addiction, once you stop giving the body what it is used to, it begins to crave it. Your thoughts and feelings begin to work against each other. At this stage, it is important to get the mind and body to work together.

How to create a new self?

In order to change, it is essential to ask yourself the following question: how can I feel, think and behave differently to produce the results I want?

Research has shown that we can change our brain, thoughts, emotions and beliefs just by acting differently. The circuits in our brain can reorganise themselves to reflect our objectives. Moreover, the brain does not differentiate between your internal world and what you experience in the external environment. Therefore, thoughts can become experiences.

How can you change the way you feel? In order to change your negative memorised feelings you need to start thinking greater than what you feel.

In order to truly change you need to become aware of all the negative thoughts and feelings, observe and challenge them. This is best achieved through mediation as meditation opens the gate between our conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind.

A new state of being can be achieved through practicing meditation and becoming self-aware of your negative thinking patterns. When you become aware of your own negative thoughts and emotions and replace them with positive ones, your body cannot produce those chemicals responsible for negative feelings anymore. When you change your thoughts and emotions, your brain changes and accepts it as your new reality.


Final thoughts

I hope this article has given you a better understanding of how your thoughts, feelings and behaviours work and what steps you need to take in order to create a new self. Changing your old self is not an easy process, but with time, knowledge and commitment anything is possible.

All the best,


(Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists)

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4 thoughts on “How to create a new self”

  1. The article resonate so much with me, I have tried to to change some of areas where I felt that my past is influencing my now. I can concur that it is totally not easy to change some habits. It takes consistency and patience. But the feeling of victory when you are winning is just amazing. Thank you for the inspiring article.

    • Hi Bogadi,

      Thank you for your comment. You are absolutely right, it is indeed a difficult journey, but worth every effort, time and patience. 

      Kind regards,


  2. I loved the question you quoted, “how can I feel, think and behave differently to produce the results I want?”  That is a great one to dive deep in to for any kind of change.  I really never thought about that.  I always just made a decision that I would change something, even something simple as changing the way I look by loosing weight.  Great information here.

    • Hi Leahrae,

      Thank you for your comment. I am glad you enjoyed reading this article and found it thought provoking. 

      Kind regards,



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