How to get a man to commit to you

In this article I will teach you how to get a man to commit to you and how to get a man to stay committed to you. By following the advice in this article, you will make the man you desire want to be with you in a relationship, without pressuring him or rushing him into it. He will appreciate and love you for who you are and will desire to be with you long-term.

You have been dating for a few months now and you believe that things are progressing towards a long-term relationship. You go on dates, you sleep at each other’s places, you don’t see anyone else and you spend a lot of time together. You feel attracted towards him and you have a great connection. However, he is not ready to commit.

What is to do when he decides he wants to keep things how they are? Should you leave him, pressure him in a relationship or give him time to reconsider his decision? If you are not ready to give up on what you have and you genuinely believe he only needs more time before he will commit, follow the tips below.

How to get a man to commit to you

  • Don’t offer him the benefits of a relationship if he doesn’t want one. One thing that keeps men from committing is having all his needs fulfilled already. If you are giving him all the benefits of a relationship, you are rewarding his behaviour and it sends him the message that his behaviour it actually pays off. He will feel that regardless of how he treats you and how little he invests in the relationship, you are not going anywhere.
  • Don’t pressure him. In case he mentioned he is not ready for a long-term commitment, give him space and time to consider if he wants a long-term relationship. He needs to make the decision for himself. Be present and enjoy the moments you spend together and stop mentioning or asking him if he has reconsider his opinion on the relationship. Set a time-frame for yourself when you are not going to discuss the subject any further.
  • Don’t become insecure. Being insecure about yourself and anxious about the relationship will only make him distance himself from you. Be confident in your abilities and attributes, know what you want from the relationship and regardless of his reaction, make sure he also knows your expectations from the relationship. The more you act anxious, needy and resentful, the more he will pull away from you.
  • Focus on yourself. Whilst it is important to support his dreams and aspirations, don’t forget that you are your number one priority. Don’t invest too much in him. If you feel that he is not ready to commit to a long-term relationship, don’t become anxious and needy. Let him see what life is without you, give him the space he needs whilst concentrate on taking care of yourself. Remind him that you desire commitment and if he is not willing to commit to you, you will keep your options open.
  • Let him chase you. Men like to feel that they are in control. By letting him plan the dates, initiate texts and calls, he will feel in control of the relationship. Give him the opportunity to come to you by giving him space and letting him pursue you. Be receptive to his attempts to get closer to you and don’t play hard to get.
  • Discuss where your relationship is going. Even though you might feel this will scare him away, it is important to discuss where the relationship is going early on. Of course, don’t open the subject after a few dates, but if we have been dating for a few months and you think he is not committed to a relationship with you, it is time to express your concerns. Don’t be afraid to have your dreams ruined. It is better to know his intentions early on and move on than to stay in a relationship that won’t satisfy your needs and desires.
  • Decide what you want. It is important to ask yourself if he is the man you really want. Many times, people are so concerned on being liked and loved by their partner that they forget to ask themselves what they really want. Make yourself your priority and put your needs first. Create an amazing life for yourself, with or without him.

If following these tips had finally got you were you wanted and the man you desire is ready to commit to a long-term relationship, then it is time to strengthen your connection and show him the benefits of being in a relationship with you.

How to get a man to stay committed to you

  • Support his dreams. In a happy long-term relationship, each member of the couple helps the other’s dreams come true. Discuss career aspirations, future family goals, place he would like to visit and what experiences he would like to have. See where your dreams can match his and if you have a shared vision of the future. Offer him the support he needs on the way.
  • Appreciate and validate him. Men tend to pull away when they feel they are not appreciated and validated. Let your partner know you appreciate everything he does for you. Take time to tell him what you love about him, how he makes you happy and how important is to have him in your life.
  • Accept his help. Men have an inner desire to provide and protect. When your partner offers to help you with a task, let him offer his support and receive the support in the form it is given. There might be times when you feel you don’t need his support or that you would have performed better on a certain task. However, it is important not to mention this to your partner. Letting him know that you appreciate his help, will make him feel special.
  • Give him freedom. Men need their space more than women do. Although you might want to spend all your free time with your partner, make sure you give him space to be free. One of the reasons why men don’t commit to a long-term relationship is because they feel they will lose their freedom. Make sure you have your own hobbies, activities and friends.
  • Have fun. Often when couples become committed to each other, they forget to have fun, to be spontaneous, to flirt, to make the other person feel special and admired. Happy long-term relationships have one secret in common: they remember to have fun and enjoy their time together.
  • Be happy. Figure out what makes you happy. When you feel unhappy, men tend to take responsibility for your unhappiness. It is important to engage in activities that make you happy, to work on your best self, to be confident and content with your life. Laugh, play games, go on adventure, dance, sing, flirt, tease each other and spend quality time together. Read more about how important is self-confidence in relationships.

Final thoughts

I hope this article taught you how to make the man you want to commit and stay committed to you. By following the advice in this article, you will have a better chance at getting the man you want to commit to a long-term relationship with you.

“Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. To love somebody isn’t just a strong feeling. It is a decision, a judgment, and a promise.”- Unknown

If you have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.

All the best,


  (Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists)

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10 thoughts on “How to get a man to commit to you”

  1. Hi Ioana,

    I must admit that your title intrigued me, and as a man I had to know what you were going to say, LOL.

    To be honest, you have come up with some very valid points here.

    One saying that I never quite understand when a couple have been seeing each other for quite a while is when one partner says to the other, “You’ve changed since we first met”.

    I’m not talking in terms of personality here, but more in terms of how the relationship is viewed. Of course, both parties should have changed as the relationship develops – you both went into the relationship as single parties, excited, happy, and not knowing what to expect.

    A few months down the line, you spend most of your time together, enjoy each other’s company, things are different now, you are no longer that single person, but on the cusp of a serious relationship.

    I often think that many men respond in a certain way due to insecurtiy more than anything else.

    Therefore, by not offering the benefits of a relationship, focusing on yourself, and letting him chase you, is very sound advice as far as I’m concerned.

    99 times out of 100, most guys will miss what they have gotten used to, and see the error of their ways (and potentially open up about their feelings).

    If they don’t, then he wasn’t the guy for you.

    A great read Ioana.


    • Hi Partha,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I am happy to see that you enjoyed reading my article and found the advice useful. Also, I am happy to see that you believe the advice in this article will work with 99% of the men.

      Kind regards,

  2. I’m going to be honest with you. I’m a guy, and I have no clue how I landed on this post, but I read the entire thing and decided to give my opinion on the matter.

    All the things you said like don’t pressure him, support his dreams, give his freedom, etc., are all true, but it’s not just for men.

    I have been trying to do the same things to my girl to develop a stronger and more meaningful relationship with her. As I like to say it, treat others the way you want to be treated.

    • Hi Gorjan,

      Thank you very much for your comment. In regards to the second part of the article, ‘How to get a man to stay committed’ , you are absolutely right. The advice can apply to both ways men and women who wish to create a healthy and happy relationship.

      All the best,

  3. HI Ioana.

    If nothing else you’re certainly going to stir up some debate here – speaking as a man of course.

    Whilst males typically ‘stray’ more than females, I would suggest that the large majority of your comments have two sides to the coin i.e. they really apply to both males and females. As someone who has been married for 17 years now I think there are other challenges one of which is children which can really reshape your focus. The kids become an obvious priority so keeping the flame alive and making an effort for each other is a real challenge.

    I think we all have our flat spots along the way but the one thing I think you have nailed is that relationships take work and unconditional commitment is an absolute must. Within it (as well as trust) then I think we would all be destine for failure.

    Will be interesting to see what other comments your post generates.

    All the best – Jason,

    • Hi Jason,

      Thank you very much for your comment. Of course, with time priorities are changing but as you mentioned, all relationships take work and commitment. Some of the advice here apply to both men and women, especially the second part of the article who focuses on how to get a man to stay committed.
      I am pleased to see that the article is read and validated by men. Hope to see you back here soon.

      All the best,

  4. Wome excellent advice is given here which makes a lot of sense. I especially like the advice about letting him do the chasing and giving him freedom. I see many women trying to be with their man all the time, giving him hardly any time to be out and about with his own friends. Take this time to do something you love to do that he may not particularly enjoy. This way you can be two independent people and also have together time which you appreciate more.

    You say not to discuss the future too soon into the relationship. What do you think a good time is. I would imagine over a year together rather than a few months?

    • Hi Michel,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy you enjoyed reading this article and found the advice useful .
      In my opinion, the discussion about the future together should be initiated by the man, not the woman in a relationship. Men tend to take longer to commit and they will feel pressured and might become distant if the women open the subject about their future too soon. I don’t think the amount of time counts as much as the dynamic of the relationship.

      Kind regards,

  5. Thank you for this great post.  I have seen too many women become involved with a man who is not committed to her and does not give her what she needs to be happy.  In response to his indifference, she will simply give more and expect less.  She will give up her dreams to focus on his, all in an attempt to make him want to commit to her.  And, as you said, this will only reinforce the fact that he doesn’t need to give more as he already has everything he wants.  I hope that women will read this article and realize that the only way to make someone commit is to know what you want and expect to receive it.  Move closer to him but make him move closer to you as well.  It’s not called “The Dance” for nothing!

    • Hi Cynthia,

      Thank you for your comment. You are absolutely right, a lot of women think that dedication to a man will eventually bring him closer , whereas in fact it will only make him distance himself from them. Men don’t like to feel responsible for someone’s else happiness, so having your own dreams, ambitious and hobbies that you enjoy and make you happy will only attract him even more.

      Kind regards,


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