In this article I will present techniques that will teach you how to love without fear and why emotional dependency in relationships is not an obsessive and immature trait.
‘’Love is not an emotion; it is your very existence.” — Rumi
What is love?
Everyone’s has his own definition of love. We can all agree that love is the highest form of happiness that one can encounter and that no other experience can be as elevating as to love and be loved.
Romantic love can make us feel vulnerable. Nowadays, emotional independence has become a way of living our lives. In a world where social status and career are becoming a priority, less people are willing to give true love a chance.
However, despite humans’ efforts to deny the worthiness of love, it is clear that love is more than a desire we can control. Love is a basic survival code and being able to depend on our partner can in fact make us strong.
All the research conducted in love and intimate relationships has concluded that a healthy relationship is the cornerstone of happiness and well-being. Having a stable, intimate relationship is more beneficial for our mind and body than any diet, exercise, vitamins, social status or career will ever be.
Nowadays, understanding love is imperative. We cannot leave love in the hands of fate and continue to be ignorant in our relationship. We must learn how to shape our intimate relationship.
“To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.” — T. Tolis
Understanding healthy emotional dependency
Emotional dependency in intimate relationships is not an obsessive and immature trait. Emotional dependency is our greatest strength and the basis of a healthy relationship.
Of course, this is not to say that dependency cannot become obsessive, unhealthy or destructive. In this case, it can harm both ourselves and our partners and limit our freedom and happiness.
Our society promotes a healthy relationship as one of emotional independence, whereas both partners are self-sufficient and detached. Some people feel ashamed of the natural need human have for love, comfort and reassurance.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu
The benefits of a loving relationship
Studies have concluded that people in a loving relationship develop less mental health problems and live longer than their single peers. Intimate connection makes us happier and healthier.
There is vast evidence showing that emotional support and connection boosts our immune system, lowers blood pressure, reduces the deaths rate from infectious disease and it is the most successful anti-ageing treatment.
There is no stronger predictor of happiness than intimate connection. Neither a successful career, nor wealth, nor social status can replace the benefits of a healthy relationship.
Secure loving relationships significantly reduce anxiety and depression and build resilience to stress and trauma.
Professionals who are emotionally supported by their partners are more confident in their skills and abilities and more likely to be successful than those who are not. It is a paradox: being dependent makes us more independent.
“True love is rare, and it’s the only thing that gives life real meaning.” ― Nicholas Sparks
Why makes love fade away?
Our partners should be our safe heaven to reach when we encounter problems in our lives. Distressed partners no longer see each other as their safe heaven.
When the emotional connection is broken, partners tend to feel rejected, abandoned, deprived and unsafe. It is very common for couples who have an independent and detached relationship to experience these feelings at very early stages in their relationship.
Love requires a constant engagement in developing and nurturing relationships. It requires devotion, work and understanding. It requires two people who are willing to build a strong emotional connection and be dependent of each other.
Love is a commitment that one has to make to devote himself to another human being. And not many are willing to make this commitment.
”That’s how it started: a series of small hurts and excuses between two people that built up slowly, widening over time to form a vast and yawning divide.” ― Nenia Campbell
The fear of love
In a world of possibilities and probabilities, many people choose to be detached in their intimate relationships. Often, this comes from a fear of being hurt.
Whether you have been hurt in the past in an intimate relationship or your fear is the product of an insecure early childhood attachment style, you tend to subconsciously avoid situations and feelings that you believe will cause you pain.
Although you might not get hurt the same way as you did before by avoiding intimate connection, you will also prevent yourself for living life to its fullest.
“The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear.” — Mahatma Gandhi
How to let go of the fear of being hurt
Following these techniques will help you let go of fear of being hurt and learn how to understand and manage those experiences that caused you suffering:
- Identify the situation that triggers your fear. Even though it might be painful to go back and re-live the negative feelings it will help you understand why you feel the way you do about your present situation.
- Stop resisting. You need to let go of stress and anxiety in your life and accept the pain you are going through. When you accept the pain, your mind will automatically try and find solutions to your problems.
- Understand that even if you try your best to avoid suffering, it doesn’t mean that you won’t experience it. Maybe not in the same form, but there will always be situations causing you pain.
- Replace your worries with thoughts of joy. Leaving in fear is the worst form of suffering, as you are constantly denying yourself happiness.
- Learn from the experience and move on. Be aware of your negative thoughts and feelings and replace them with positive ones. Find more about how to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones here.
Once you learn how to let go of fear of being hurt and accept that emotional dependency in its pure form is healthy and secure, you are ready to experience love in a wonderful way.
“I love you and that’s the beginning and end of everything.” —F. Scott Fitzgerald
If you have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.
All the best,
(Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists)
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