How to love without fear- Emotional dependency in relationships

In this article I will present techniques that will teach you how to love without fear and why emotional dependency in relationships is not an obsessive and immature trait.

‘’Love is not an emotion; it is your very existence.” — Rumi

 

What is love?

Everyone’s has his own definition of love.  We can all agree that love is the highest form of happiness that one can encounter and that no other experience can be as elevating as to love and be loved.

Romantic love can make us feel vulnerable. Nowadays, emotional independence has become a way of living our lives. In a world where social status and career are becoming a priority, less people are willing to give true love a chance.

However, despite humans’ efforts to deny the worthiness of love, it is clear that love is more than a desire we can control. Love is a basic survival code and being able to depend on our partner can in fact make us strong.

All the research conducted in love and intimate relationships has concluded that a healthy relationship is the cornerstone of happiness and well-being. Having a stable, intimate relationship is more beneficial for our mind and body than any diet, exercise, vitamins, social status or career will ever be.

Nowadays, understanding love is imperative. We cannot leave love in the hands of fate and continue to be ignorant in our relationship. We must learn how to shape our intimate relationship.

“To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.” — T. Tolis 

Understanding healthy emotional dependency

Emotional dependency in intimate relationships is not an obsessive and immature trait. Emotional dependency is our greatest strength and the basis of a healthy relationship.

Of course, this is not to say that dependency cannot become obsessive, unhealthy or destructive. In this case, it can harm both ourselves and our partners and limit our freedom and happiness.

Our society promotes a healthy relationship as one of emotional independence, whereas both partners are self-sufficient and detached. Some people feel ashamed of the natural need human have for love, comfort and reassurance.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

The benefits of a loving relationship

Studies have concluded that people in a loving relationship develop less mental health problems and live longer than their single peers. Intimate connection makes us happier and healthier.

There is vast evidence showing that emotional support and connection boosts our immune system, lowers blood pressure, reduces the deaths rate from infectious disease and it is the most successful anti-ageing treatment.

There is no stronger predictor of happiness than intimate connection. Neither a successful career, nor wealth, nor social status can replace the benefits of a healthy relationship.

Secure loving relationships significantly reduce anxiety and depression and build resilience to stress and trauma.

Professionals who are emotionally supported by their partners are more confident in their skills and abilities and more likely to be successful than those who are not. It is a paradox: being dependent makes us more independent.

“True love is rare, and it’s the only thing that gives life real meaning.” ― Nicholas Sparks

Why makes love fade away?

Our partners should be our safe heaven to reach when we encounter problems in our lives. Distressed partners no longer see each other as their safe heaven.

When the emotional connection is broken, partners tend to feel rejected, abandoned, deprived and unsafe. It is very common for couples who have an independent and detached relationship to experience these feelings at very early stages in their relationship.

Love requires a constant engagement in developing and nurturing relationships. It requires devotion, work and understanding. It requires two people who are willing to build a strong emotional connection and be dependent of each other.

Love is a commitment that one has to make to devote himself to another human being. And not many are willing to make this commitment.

”That’s how it started: a series of small hurts and excuses between two people that built up slowly, widening over time to form a vast and yawning divide.” ― Nenia Campbell

The fear of love

In a world of possibilities and probabilities, many people choose to be detached in their intimate relationships. Often, this comes from a fear of being hurt.

Whether you have been hurt in the past in an intimate relationship or your fear is the product of an insecure early childhood attachment style, you tend to subconsciously avoid situations and feelings that you believe will cause you pain.

Although you might not get hurt the same way as you did before by avoiding intimate connection, you will also prevent yourself for living life to its fullest.

“The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear.” — Mahatma Gandhi

How to let go of the fear of being hurt

Following these techniques will help you let go of fear of being hurt and learn how to understand and manage those experiences that caused you suffering:

  • Identify the situation that triggers your fear. Even though it might be painful to go back and re-live the negative feelings it will help you understand why you feel the way you do about your present situation.
  • Stop resisting. You need to let go of stress and anxiety in your life and accept the pain you are going through. When you accept the pain, your mind will automatically try and find solutions to your problems.
  • Understand that even if you try your best to avoid suffering, it doesn’t mean that you won’t experience it. Maybe not in the same form, but there will always be situations causing you pain.
  • Replace your worries with thoughts of joy. Leaving in fear is the worst form of suffering, as you are constantly denying yourself happiness.

Once you learn how to let go of fear of being hurt and accept that emotional dependency in its pure form is healthy and secure, you are ready to experience love in a wonderful way.

“I love you and that’s the beginning and end of everything.” —F. Scott Fitzgerald

If you have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.

All the best,

Yoana
lovenote-4u.com

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30 thoughts on “How to love without fear- Emotional dependency in relationships”

  1. When it comes to love, we all say that it is a bit complicated and I want to say that reading your article I realized that it is not so. I really like that you put this love without fear, which erases practically everything around us and focuses us on what we love. A new thing I learned from you is that people who are in a relationship and love each other, do not suffer from mental problems and I can say that they are always healthy, physically but also mentally.
    Hope to see many article like this because you are doing a wonderful job. Good luck!

    Reply
    • Hi Nimrodngy,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I am glad you enjoyed my article and found the information valuable.

      I have pointed out in my article that people in a loving relationship are less likely to develop mental health problems. However, this is not to say that they won’t experience any mental health issues. I wanted to clarify this for you. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  2. Hey,

    I’m really pleased I came across this article. I met a person just before lockdown, and we have been talking via the phone and skype. Even though we haven’t been together physically, I liking her more and more.

    believe that when things are back to normal, I could fall in love with her and I am not in fear of it anymore.

    Thank you for sharing and keep up the great work on your site.

    All the best,

    Tom

    Reply
    • Hi Tom,

      I am happy to see that my article helped you manage your fear and be ready for a new relationship. I hope the world will return to normal soon and things we’ll work out for the two of you.

      Wish you all the best,
      Yoana

      Reply
  3. I love this post. I think it is important to remind people what love is and how it can forever impact your life. Love is not “easy” nor is it a “fairytale” as some people expect. It takes a lot of work, and it is daily and forever.

    I agree with the emotional dependency. I have actually heard someone say that dependancy in a relation is a postive thing. Cause in today’s society, it is all about being independant, especially women. I think that is wy many relationships fail, because the couple is living for their own individual interests rather than for the couple.

    My husband and I are Christians, and we live a marriage where we do everything to better the relationship, and we would never make decisions without discussing it with one another because we are a team and we must chose to always take the same path together.

    Reply
    • Hi Cynthia,

      I am happy you loved the post. It is nice to see couples that work as a team. As I mentioned in my article, emotional dependency is perceived as a negative thing these days. Being emotionally dependent in a relationship doesn’t mean you are not strong and independent. On the contrary, being valued, supported and connected to your partner can boost your confidence and bring positive results to your life.

      Wish you all the best,
      Yoana

      Reply
  4. I loved your article. We all need to remmember that love is a great thing it’s worth while even if we risk the pain of goodbyes. All in all it’s better and healthier to over come the fear and let yourself enjoy the miracle of love . Thank you for reminding that! Best of luck!

    Reply
    • Hi Inbal,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I am happy to see you enjoyed reading my article and it reminded you of the how important is to love and be loved. And as you mentioned, it’s worth while to let go of fear.

      Wish you all the best,
      Yoana

      Reply
  5. Hi Yoana,
    A very refreshing article indeed. I really like how pointed out that emotional dependency is not a bad thing. And especially how it helps each other to become better.
    Before reading the article, if one asked me, i would have argued that emotional dependency is a bad thing and even in a relationship, each other should be able to get things done independently.
    But now I realize that ability to get things done independently is find but still emotional dependency is actually a good thing to have.

    Thank you for a great read!

    Reply
    • Hi Rajith,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see that my article bought to light that emotional dependence is not the same as being dependent on someone else. You can be perfectly independent whilst being emotionally dependent (loving with all your heart and without fear).

      Kind regards,
      Yoana

      Reply
  6. I too had fear of losing the person I love after an early divorce in my life. Fortunately found my soul mate some years later. Interdependence was one of the reasons (together with reciprocal love) that our relationship was such a success. I do not think, in my personal opinion, that dependence of one person on another for happiness works (it can add to but a person must be happy from within initially) 

    Reply
    • Hi Betty,

      Thank you for your comment. I cannot agree with you more, happiness comes from within and no one can replace that or make you happy if you are not. I have actually wrote an article that explains the link between self-confidence and a healthy relationship.  https://lovenote-4u.com/self-confidence-and-relationships-how-to-improve-your-relationship/

      This article is pointing out how healthy emotional dependence is not something we should fear.  Also, it shows the physical and mental benefits of having a deep and strong connection to another person. 

      Kind regards,

      Yoana

      Reply
      • This was brilliant! Really helped me find clarity regarding my most recent relationship. I was ruminating and duelling on the fact that I might have taken the wrong decision but reading this objective description of love and relationships made me realise I was right. I know what I was missing and now I know what I trully want and what to look for in the future

        Reply
        • Hi Diana,

          I am happy to see that my article helped you understand what your relationship was missing and realise what you truly want from love. It is important to have your expectations in love clear for future relationships and recognise at early stages if your relationship is not offering you what you desire.

          Wish you all the best,
          Yoana

          Reply
  7. Hi Yoana,
    I enjoyed reading this article because it addressed emotional dynamics of relationships. Fear of being hurt is a powerful resistance to entering a new relationship if you were hurt in your last one. Respecting the “pain” and allowing yourself time to adjust can help you move on quicker to a new relationship.
    I think this article is a great educational piece.

    Reply
    • Hi Ali,

      Thank you for your comment. I agree, one of the steps to move on to another relationship without the fear of being hurt is understanding your suffering and giving yourself time to heal and prepare for a new relationship.

      Wish you all the best,
      Yoana

      Reply
    • Hi Sev,

      I am very happy to see that you found my article helpful and it reminded you of the importance of love.

      Wish you all the bets,
      Yoana

      Reply
  8. The quote by T.Tolls explained about love perfectly, To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything. Mahatama Ghandi is also right about fear as well. Fear of something is our biggest enemy that can push us back and progress. 

    I think thinking clearly without using emotions is the best strategy here. Love is an emotion thing so when tend to make decisions that we are happy with or regret with solely based from our driven emotion at the moment. The heat of the moment anyone?

    Balance is the key in love as well. Are you doing everything and every minute with your partner? Why is that? Are you afraid that he/she may cheat? The first step is to take a look at yourself and assess the situation. I personally think that love will be more passionate if we spend time apart sometimes. Such as you spend time with your friends and your significant other is also spending time with friends.

    The most important is to learn from your mistake and do not repeat it. Love and expressing it without fear is a learning process. Try it day by day and we will get there. Heck, I am learning everyday! 

    Reply
    • Hi Nuttanee,

      Thank you for your comment. I couldn’t agree with you more. Time apart and spent with your friends is extremely important for a healthy relationship. Emotional dependency is not about spending every minute of the day with your partner; it is about having a strong connection where both of you feel supported and loved, even when you are apart. 

      Kind regards,

      Yoana

      Reply
  9. Hey nice article you have there. Thanks for sharing such an inspiring article. This article has really impacted me alot and has given me more than a thousand reasons to still wants to love and trust my partner in whom am in love with,  your thoughts are indeed invaluable, I willd definitely put it into practice as I hope for a positive results. Thanks , Regards.

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thank you very much for your article. Please let me know the results. I am looking forward to hearing back from you .

      Kind regards,

      Yoana

      Reply
  10. Wow this is really a nice quote here  “To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.” Anyways  I must say this is really an amazing and insightful article on  how to love without fear. It’s really going to be helpful. My girlfriend has been a victim of those and it really baffles me why she consistently love in fear, now I understand why. Anyways I think bi will forward this to her, it will help her out of loving in fear. Thanks

    Reply
    • Hi Sheddy,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I am pleased to see how my article helped you better understand your relationship and your partner. I am happy that you want to share this article with her and believe she will benefit from the advice given here. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  11. Hello YOANA, such a beautiful name you have there, thank you so much for this post, honestly I have been having a lot of fears in my relationship even though I really love my partner and I know she loves me back but prior to this my relationship I have had bad experiences and really don’t want same for this one, but your post right here has change my perspective I could really love without fear and just like you mention that having a stable, intimate relationship is more beneficial for our mind and body than any diet, exercise, vitamins, social status or career will ever be overemphasized.

    Reply
    • Hi Jomata,

      Thank you very much. I am happy to see that my article changed your perspective and you can now see your relationship with your partner as one without fear of love. Hope to see you back here soon. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  12. I love reading this author’s posts. They are so motivating and instill a sense of positivity in your mind as soon as you start reading them. This article is another great piece written by the author. It is so fulfilling and it gave a very different perspective about emotional dependency in relationships. It is so comforting to read the posts by this author. And the additional quotes that are included in the post are so very inspiring. It is so difficult to understand relationships sometimes, but I find so much help in the posts that this author writes. Amazing work! thanks

    Reply
    • Hi Samantha,

      Thank you very much for your beautiful words. I am very happy to see that you find this article inspiring and positive, whilst providing a different perspective about emotional dependency in relationships. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  13. I think that as we have become more connected to technology, we have become more disconnected from each other. With relationship, love has also suffered because of that. I think you make some really good points here and love should never be accompanied by fear. I think a hugely important point about love is that it can’t just be left at an emotion because those come and go too frequently. Love has to be a choice you make as well as an emotion you feel. That is the way, I feel, that it can be sustained for the long term.

    Reply
    • Hi Steve,

      Thank you very much for your comment and I can say that I agree with you completely. Real love is a choice and  by being emotional dependent on your partner, you recognise and accept this commitment. 

      Kind regards,

      Yoana

      Reply

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