How to master flirting

In this article, I will teach you how to master flirting, both face-to-face and by texting. I will also explain the differences between flirting in person and flirting online and how to use them in your advantage.

Flirting is a way of communication using words, body language, looks and gestures to attract and show interest to the person you like.

Flirting is generally used at the beginning of a relationship, but can also be a game between two people with no consequences.

Flirting should consist of a balance between showing your feelings and being intriguing.


Flirting in person

Making eye contact is the easiest way to start flirting. Look into their eyes with interest, but avoid staring.

If they look back at you, smile. Try to smile slowly whilst maintaining eye-contact. If they smile back or look at you with interest, you can take the flirting to the next step.

Saying hello and introducing yourself is a natural step to follow. Ask their name and make sure you remember it. You can complement their name. However, avoid any pick-up lines. Instead, be yourself and say something original.

If this is the first time you meet them, invite them to conversation by asking a question or making a statement that ends with a question. If you already know them, then start a discussion about anything you have in common.

Avoid talking about personal things or controversial subjects such as religion or politics. Instead, talk about issues in which both of you don’t have a defined opinion. Choose enjoyable and care-free subjects.

Use your body language to express interest by maintaining an open posture and avoid crossing arms and legs. Your body should face the person you are going to flirt with.

Appear confident, but if you are nervous, don’t try to hide it; this is a sign you like them. When you compliment them, lower the volume of your voice and look them in the eyes.

Compliment them in a polite and respectful way. If you compliment their physical appearance use words such as beautiful or gorgeous (for women) and handsome (for men). Also, women like to receive compliments about their face (eyes, smile, hair, lips) or hands (or nails). Avoid complimenting other parts of their body.

It is important to check if they are willing to keep making conversation, so stop for a while and let them take the lead.

At the end of the conversation let them know that you are interested to see them again by asking them what they are going to do on a specific day. If it feels too much or too soon, you could always send them a text later expressing your interest to see them again.


How to express emotions when flirting online

Body language constitutes 55% of communication and the tone of voice 38%. This leaves only 7% of communication being expressed by words. How do you make up for the rest of 93% when you are flirting online?

Emojis are important tools you can use in order to express feelings and emotions; they are the body language of texting. Same sentence can differ considerably if at the end of it you put a smiley face or an angry one.

However, don’t rely solely on emojis, use your words to say what you want to say and only use emojis to accentuate them.

Another way to flirt online is by sending nice voice messages. Although the body language is missing from the equation, there is a lot you can express using the tone of your voice.

If you are confident enough you can also send short videos of yourself or pictures expressing your emotions.


Flirting by text

When you flirt by text messages, try to approach the conversation in a friendly and casual way. Create a conversation without pressure.

Ask general questions and avoid talking about yourself. Instead, encourage the other person to talk about themselves. However, don’t make them feel as if they are interviewed.

Don’t ask personal questions and don’t try to have a deep conversation by text. Not only that it is too soon, but it can also leave room for interpretation.

Flattering the person you are texting with is very important. However, do this in a respectful and polite manner, following the same rules for complimenting in person. Avoid complimenting them too much and giving meaningless compliments.

By flattering someone you like, you make your intentions clear and you avoid being stuck in the friend zone. However, don’t be too intense and reveal too many emotions. Leave the person slightly intrigued about your intentions and you will appear more attractive and confident.

Don’t give the impression that you are willing to make any effort to gain their heart. Show them enough to know you are interested, but leave them with the question of how much you are interested.

In order to achieve this, compliment them objectively. Instead of telling them how much you like their smile, tell them they have a beautiful smile.

Use subtle jokes to keep the conversation interesting, but make sure the other person knows it is a joke. Using emojis can be very useful to express what you actually want to say. However, don’t use them excessively.

At the end of the conversation express the desire to talk or see them soon and let them know that you had a good time talking with them.


How to flirt?

It is important to take the opportunity when arises. Show genuine interest, look into their eyes and compliment them. Be genuine, sincere and relaxed. Don’t forget to smile.

Being mysterious is attractive, so try not to reveal everything about you too soon. Making someone laugh is always a good start, so if you have a good sense of humour use it for your own benefit.

Flirt with the intent of just flirting. The more you flirt, the more experienced you become in flirting. It is important to develop the skill of flirting so when you find the right person, it will come naturally to you.

When you flirt, your intention should be to make the other person feel better. The focus should be on them, not on yourself.
Flirting with the intention to make the other person feel better always works.

In a world where social media, magazines and TV are trying to take their confidence, you are giving it back to them. Making someone feel valued and special should be the primary focus of your flirting technique.


Final thoughts

Flirting can be difficult at times and mastering it requires understanding of the best techniques followed by practice. These flirting techniques will help you master flirting both in person and online.

I would also recommend reading the following articles:

For women- How to find the perfect man / How to attract the man of your dreams

For men- How to attract and keep women

If you have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.

All the best,


  (Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists)

For counselling and coaching appointments scan the QR code or press here.


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18 thoughts on “How to master flirting”

  1. Great article on how to flirt. Your quite right in saying making someone feel valued and special should be the primary focus of your flirting technique.
    it is human nature that we all want to be accepted and special.
    These points you have made are great for nebies seeking a relastionship as well as for those in a long term relationship.
    I think that flirting with your partner or spouse should be somthing that we often practice in order to keep the flame alive.

    Thanks for sharing.

    • Hi Kay,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see you enjoyed reading my article. I cannot agree with you more. Even in long-term relationships, we should flirt in order to keep the flame alive and make our partner feel special and valued.

      Kind regards,

  2. Hi Ioana,

    I really wish I came across this article years ago. It’s great that the message you share here is that flirting is basically about the other person, and putting their feelings before your own. Its how we make the other person feel special and that we value them. This is very similar to how a leader behaves with their people. It is all about serving their people and not the other way around.

    The next time I am in a situation when I am flirting with someone (soon hopefully), I am going to use the techniques you discuss, and I am going to put their feelings ahead of mine.

    Thank you for sharing yet another great article, and keep up your amazing work.

    All the best,


    • Hi Tom,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I am happy you enjoyed reading my article and liked the message shared in here. I like how you compared flirting with leading people. I believe than in any aspects of our lives we would be more successful if we would learn how to listen, understand and prioritize the other person.

      Kind regards,

  3. I must admit being a shy introvert type of guy, flirting has never been natural for me, and you have provided me many good suggestions for me to start practicing learning to flirt effectively. I might sound odd, but often I don’t realize someone has been flirting with me until after we depart ways.
    I know this is from my being so anxious, but this has been a problem for me my entire life with interacting with people especially the most attractive ladies I have met.

    Do you think flirting is more difficult for one gender over the other or just depends on the person?


    • Hi Jeff,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see you learned new flirting technique from my article. I hope they will help you in future and give you more confidence.
      I was a firm believer than it easier to flirt as a man until I started to conduct research on the subject and concluded that men find flirting even more difficult than women do as they have a stronger fear of rejection. Men value to be admired and have a strong desire to protect and provide. When they feel rejected, they self-confidence suffer more than women in the same situation.
      Flirting is a skill that some people have it naturally, whereas others need to practice and develop it. I personally know shy and anxious people that have mastered flirting by following simple and easy steps like the ones described in this article.

      All the best,

  4. Hi there
    This a great article. I should have learn about this 11 years ago before I got married. I’m always lousy with flirting and dating. It always ended up with awkward silence. I had my fair share of bad dates who loves boasting instead of flirting and they should learn from articles like these.
    Keep up with these wonderful topic!

    • Hi Sarina,

      Thank you for your comment. It is true, most people are trying to impress the other person when they are flirting and end up talking only about themselves instead of focusing on the other person.

      All the best,

  5. Great article on how to flirt Ioana. I know of a few people that this article would most certainly be of interest to. I will forward this on. The eye contact most certainly works. My partner said that we locked eyes a lot when we first met so I can certainly vouch for that one. Thanks for a great post. Keep up the amazing work.

    • Hi Russ,

      Thank you for your comment and for sharing the article with your friends. I hope they will take the advice and improve their flirting technique.

      Kind regards,

  6. You have mentioned quite a lot of flirting techniques that can be used both face to face and online. I liked the ideas of keeping them intrigued but I think you kind of lose it when you have been in a relationship with the same person for few years. How would you revive that and bring back the flirting?


    • Hi Habib,

      Thank you for your comment. Same techniques can be practiced by couples as well. Concentrating on the other person and making them feel special is the most important flirting technique.

      All the best,

  7. I love this article on flirting as it has such good advice. You are right that keeping conversation focused on them and not you is the best idea. Everyone loves talking about themselves, and adding a thoughtful compliment helps show you’re interested:)

  8. Hi,
    This is a great article and I loved the tips you shared. Nowadays a lot of talking and flirting is done by texts, and sometimes I find a little too much … Although texting is great for flirting, some people tend to use it for everything, problem solving, arguing (which only makes things worse), and so on. For certain things I think it is better to use the good old phone, isn’t it?
    Now that we are staying home nearly all the time, online flirting is probably also on the increase, so your tips come in very handy right now.

    • Hi Christine,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I am happy you liked the tips I shared and found them useful. Hope to see you here soon.

      Kind regards,

  9. Good article; I especially like the bits about talking about carefree topics. It keeps the mood light and easy with low expectations.

    I am easily flustered, but I have to say I much prefer compliments to my personality and achievements rather than my appearance. I might be a little different from other women this way. The way I see it is that my parents are mostly responsible for my appearance (beyond regular grooming), while I’m responsible for the behaviors I’ve chosen to nurture and the accomplishments I’ve made.

    Do you know the easiest way of telling if someone isn’t receptive? On the other hand, what’s the best way to signal or say you’re not to that point with them [yet] without offending or souring the mood?

    • Hi Christina,

      Thank you for your comment. Compliments on personality and achievements are very important. Someone should be attracted to your personality as well as your looks. 

      When it comes to telling if someone is not receptive, I would say trust your instincts. And I don’t believe there is a best way to signal that you are not interested in the date. It depends on the circumstances and both of your personalities, something that might offend you deeply, might be perceived differently by your date or the other way around. 

      Kind regards,



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