In this article I will explain how the fear of being alone can stop you from being happy and finding the love of your life. I will teach you why you might be scared of being alone and what you need to do to overcome your fear and start living the life you have always wanted.
Understanding the fear of being alone
‘’Most of man’s misery is derived by his inability to sit quietly in a room by himself.’’- Blaise Pascale
It is easy to understand the fear of being alone. When something ends, people fear that there won’t be another beginning. The fear of being alone is responsible for unhappy relationships, for bad decisions and for giving up on your wishes and desires.
There is nothing wrong with wanting companionship. However, it is important to recognize the difference between wanting a partner and needing a partner.
People who are afraid to be alone make bad choices regarding those they decide to keep in their life. Most unhealthy and damaging relationships have at least one partner fearing loneliness.
Those who face their fear and decide not to set for anything less than they deserve, could end up either alone or in the relationship they have always wanted. Most people are not willing to take this risk.
However, ending up in the wrong relationship it will bring more unhappiness than being alone ever will. Even the nicest moments like going on holidays, activities or a meal out will become unpleasant in the company of the wrong person.
Being in an unhealthy relationship can be overwhelming, toxic and dramatic. Moreover, when people are terrified of loneliness, they have no strength to argue for their needs in the relationship.
Another reason people stay in relationships that doesn’t make them happy is familiarity. They prefer to live with what they know because they fear what they don’t know.
Choosing to stay in an unhealthy relationship
”There are many things that can keep you in a relationship: fear of being alone, fear of disrupting the arrangement of your life, a decision to settle for something that’s okay, because you don’t know if you can get any better. Or maybe there’s the irrational belief that it will get better, even if you know he won’t change.”- David Levithan
Choosing to be in a relationship due to fear of loneliness stops you getting to know yourself. When you have always been in the company of another, you never had the time to explore your own ideas, feelings or desires.
People who are scared of loneliness choose their partner to distract themselves from their emotions and thoughts.
When you are alone, all your deepest feelings that you have resisted come out. That’s why most people chose to distract themselves and always be in the company of other people.
People who are afraid of being single tend to lower their standards and put up with more in relationships.
Being alone does not mean that something is wrong with you. Having the courage to be patient until you find what truly satisfies you is the biggest gift you could ever give to yourself.
Also, your own company is the greatest company you can have. Time spent with yourself is never time wasted.
What causes the fear of being alone?
‘’The way to heal a wound is to feel a wound’’-Robin Sharma
- Fear of facing your thoughts. Your subconscious can help you escape from your thoughts by preventing you to be alone. Feeling uncomfortable and anxious when you are not in someone’s company is a defense mechanism against the fear of your own thoughts.
- Fear of being abandoned. If you felt you were abandoned by your parents during your childhood or by your ex-partners in previous relationships, you might become scared in your present relationship that the past repeats itself.
- Self-esteem issues. If you have low self-esteem you might fear that you are not worthy of being loved and you will avoid challenging your partner as you are scared he might leave you. Read more about self-esteem and relationships here.
- The need for approval. If you feel that you need approval from your partner in order to feel worthy, you might fear being alone as the source of approval will be taken away from you.
Being alone is a skill
‘’Like’s greatest betrayal is not knowing who you truly are.’’-Unknown
Being alone means you need to be with you own thoughts, feelings and emotions. Being alone can be scary and depressing or it can be an amazing journey in getting to know yourself.
Being alone can be refreshing, recharge and reflection time if you know how to do it right.
Most people are addicted to distractions so much that they become exhausted. Make time for being with yourself and learning how to love yourself.
Remember, you are the person you will spend most of the time with. Moreover, your relationship with yourself sets up your relationship with the people you love, especially your partner.
When you develop a strong relationship with yourself, you will slowly eliminate your ego, which is the voice of your fear. Read more about how ego is formed and how to eliminate it here.
Spending time alone can feel uncomfortable at first, but this is when you are growing.
How to overcome the fear of being alone
“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”- Bianca Sparacino
- Meditate. Meditation helps you develop awareness of your emotions. You can watch your emotions from an objective point of view, without trying to identify with or label them.
- Pick up a new hobby. Picking up a new hobby can make you focus on something different, it can give you a new purpose, a new thing to look forward to and be excited about.
- Offer yourself little gifts. Treat yourself with little gifts as a reminder that you are appreciated and loved. Buying yourself something you always wanted will give you a sense of self-worth and independence.
- Exercise. Exercise has many benefits on your physical and mental health. Try to exercise daily for at least 20 minutes.
- Change your thoughts. Changing your thought requires time and effort. It is not an easy process but you alone can change your thoughts and think more positively. Learn how to change your thoughts here.
- Learn something new. Learning a new skill will make you feel proud and it will keep you focused on your progress, achieving a sense of fulfillment that will alleviate the feeling of loneliness.
- Set new goals. Make a plan for your future and set clear goals you wish to achieve. Write these goals down and put a time limit on them. By working on your progress, you will gain back control of your life.
I hope this article helped you realize why people choose to stay in the wrong relationship, what are the main causes of fearing to be alone and how to overcome the fear of being alone.
If you have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.
All the best,
(Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists)
For counselling and coaching appointments scan the QR code or press here.