Love advice for women – How men think in relationships

In this article, I will explain how men think in relationships, what they desire from their partner and what they need in order to feel loved.

We all know that men and women are different. However, we tend to treat our partner the way we would like to be treated. Read more about the differences between men and women here.

This guide is designed to make you better understand you partner and to show you how to deal with situations that you might think are out of your control.

How men behave when they are in love

” The real power of a man is in the size of the smile of the woman sitting next to him.”- Unkown

When a man is in love, he is willing to be the best he can be for you and becomes motivated to do anything to make you happy. He genuinely feels he has a higher purpose and your happiness makes him happy.

Most men are not even aware of their inner desire to give love to their partner. When he fails to make you happy, he becomes less motivated and more selfish.

Seeing that you are unfulfilled, he might even become depressed and stop caring. Of course, men desire to be loved, but their greatest need is to give love.

How to make him feel loved

”I Love How You Take Care Of Me. How You Keep Working To Be A Better Man. Even On Days I Fail To Be A Better Woman”- Emilia Benjamin


In order to feel loved,  a man needs to feel trusted, appreciated and encouraged. He needs your admiration and acceptance. In order to give your partner the love he needs, you have to believe in his abilities and intentions, without trying to change him. Also, show him you appreciate and approve his efforts and behavior.

Men crave to be admired by the woman they love. Show him admiration and encourage him by expressing confidence in his actions and abilities.

What men value

”Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more.”- Unkown

Men value power, efficiency and competency. They are always looking to achieve goals in order to prove their self-worthiness.  They pride themselves when they can carry on a task all by themselves.

When women are trying to advice or assist them, men feel undermined and often criticized. Although you might have the best intention when offering advice and criticism, your partner feels unloved and controlled.

Acting with love, you feel is your duty to improve and change your partner. On the other hand, your partner doesn’t understand this manifestation of love and might feel humiliated by your actions.

Feeling they are needed, motivates men. When they feel they are not appreciated, men tend to give less in the relationship.

How men cope with stress

 “Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it.”- Brian Tracy

Men deal with stress differently. You might think that when your partner is stressed he wants to talk and share his problems, but instead he will be quiet and absent.

He will focus his attention on solving his problems and he might seem unresponsive and distant towards you.  Don’t become offended or take it personally.

In order to forget about his problems, men seek distraction as news, football or games. It is important to be more accepting and less demanding with him in these situations.

Moreover, when you feel he is not providing you with his full attention, try to gain the attention back in an accepting and relaxed manner.

Why men become quiet

“Staying quiet doesn’t mean I have nothing to say, it means I don’t think you’re ready to hear my thoughts.”- Ernest Hemingway

Men become quiet when they need to find a solution to a problem, when they are stressed and upset or when they don’t have an answer to your question or problem.

Women like to talk about their feeling and share all their emotions and thoughts.  Men don’t. Your partner needs to first understand and formulate his thoughts inside his mind before they can share it with you.

Learn how to give him time to process the information without assuming the worst. Asking him questions and offering support the way you would like to be supported might upset him even more.

How to support him

”Sometimes you have to love people from a distance and give them the space and time to get their minds right before you let them back into your life.” – Robert Tew

Don’t assume that your partner will feel supported in the same way you do. If you want to really support him, the best thing to do is to give him space without trying to help or nurture him.

Also, don’t feel sorry for him or worry about him. He needs your trust that he can handle the situation without any help.

Unlike women, men don’t like when you are worrying about them. It seems impossible to be happy when your partner is hurting, but this will give him more strength to deal with the problem.

Often, women offer advice and criticism to get what they want in a relationship. Instead, men prefer to hear direct requests in a carrying and mannered way.

Why men pull away?

”When coping with stress men tend to pull away and silently think about what is bothering them”- Ricky Brenn

Men pull away for three different reasons. The first reason is determined by your actions, whereas the other reasons are instinctual.

1. The easiest way to make your partner pull away from you is to try change or improve him. The more you try to change him, the more he resists. And when he resists changing, you assume he doesn’t love you enough.

One way to motivate your partner to change is to let him know your feelings and request him to take them into consideration in future, without demanding change.

2. Even when they are in love, men have a natural instinct to pull away periodically. It is hard to completely understand your partner and not feel hurt when he temporary pulls away as women pull away for different reasons.

Women pull away only when something is wrong with the relationship. Men pull away to re-charge. Once he feels reconnected with himself and fulfils his need for independence, he will come back to you.

Unlike men, women self-worth is elevated when they feel most intimate. This might make it difficult to understand his urge to pull away.  But once you do, you will stop feeling powerless.

3. Men tend to pull away at the start of a relationship when they become too close to their partner. When women are ready to fully commit and talk about their deeper feelings, men first instinct is to pull away.

This is scary and confusing if you don’t understand their instinctual urge to pull away. Unaware that you were hurt and you need time and conversation to reconnect, they will try to take the relationship from where they left it.

The right time to talk

”The happiest couples never have the same character. They have the best understanding of their differences.”- Unknown

The most appropriate time to talk with your partner is when he comes back.

You might feel afraid to initiate a conversation when he comes back to you as the last time you opened up, he pulled away. Instead, your expectation is that he will start the conversation when he is ready.

However, in his eyes, nothing is wrong so everything can just get back to normal. This might become extremely frustrating and confusing if you are not familiar with the reasons men pull away.

Share your feelings and emotions and let you partner just listen. Once he has listened and understood you , he will be ready to open up.

Final thoughts

I hope this guide helps you understand how men think in relationships, why they pull away and what to do to make them feel loved and supported.

If you have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.

All the best,

Ioana,

lovenote-4u.com

  (Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists)

For counselling and coaching appointments scan the QR code or press here.

 

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32 thoughts on “Love advice for women – How men think in relationships”

  1. I don’t know where you got this information and why you are sharing it…. But you are spot on 😜
    I didn’t realize these things about myself when I first started dating, so if women don’t know them either, then welcome to the club. When I first started dating and a girl told me she had deep feelings for me, my first instinct was to run. I didn’t know why. It just was my first response.
    I never did it to hurt the girl. This wasn’t my intention. I just didn’t know what to say back. Maybe I felt the same. Maybe I didn’t. I didn’t know yet. I had to leave the situation, do some thinking, realize what I had, and then come back proud and happy.
    When I was younger these reactions hurt her feelings and when I did return, she was angry or spiteful. She wouldn’t talk to me or already turned her attention to some other guy.
    It took me a long time to see that we were just young and both of us were scared of rejection.
    Anyway, you made me think. You pointed out characteristics about me that hit home. Thank you for sharing this so that maybe we can help the younger couples understand how to read each others reactions without thinking the worst is happening.

    Reply
    • Hi Greg,

      Thank you for sharing your experiences here. As you pointed out, I hope this article will help as many people understand these instinctual behaviours. It is hard to see our partner’s point of view if we don’t acknowledge that we are different and have different emotional needs.
      I hope to see you back here for my next article explaining how women think in relationships.

      All the best,
      Ioana

      Reply
  2. Hi, you are so right with the differences between men & women! It took me years to realise that my husband didn’t want advice from me, but wanted to know that I believe in him and felt he was very capable of solving his problems.
    Great article!

    Reply
    • Hi Sue,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy you agree with these differences. Also, it is nice to see that you realised and accepted these differences in your relationship and improved it.

      All the best,
      Ioana

      Reply
  3. As a man, I can say that the topic is very important. This is the best coverage of the problem that the differences in men and women cause I have ever read.

    My wife just passed away after putting up with me for 54 years. Many of the unhappy times we had were caused by me not talking. She did always support me in my desire to work.

    I hope that a lot of women will read this and apply it to their relationships. Men and women are so different and we need to understand those differences better.

    Most men want to meet their mates needs the same as women. It seems that we often get so caught up in our own desires that we forget the other persons. My wife needed me to talk more and I needed to think more, but we worked it out over time and became a good fit.

    Reply
    • Hi Bruce,

      Thank you very much for your comment.  I am sorry to hear about your wife. It is nice to hear that in your marriage, this differences have been recognised and worked on. I hope by reading this article, many people will do the same and improve their relationship at an early stage. 

      Wish you all the best, 

      Ioana

      Reply
  4. Thank you for sharing helpful advice in this article. 

    I wish I had read this article when I was dating. It would have helped me further understand what my girl was thinking and her reactions to things I said or did. It all worked out and we are happily married over 7 years.

    To often we assume we know what our partner is thinking but communication is a key to a happy marriage! 

    Reply
    • Hi Justin,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I am happy to hear that this advice would have helped you sooner recognise these differences in your relationship.  

      Kind regards,

      Ioana

      Reply
    • Hi Angelique,

      Thank you for your comment. It is useful to see that you read about similar behaviour differences in other sources.

      Kind regards,
      Ioana

      Reply
  5. Words of wisdom (my mother told me)-Praise your man! They need that. You will reap the rewards.
    Don’t criticize them. They can’t take it.

    And, don’t EVER tell them you don’t want them to “waste” money on flowers. You’ll end up never getting flowers.
    If and when you do get flowers, praise him for it. You’ll get more flowers.

    Just sayin……

    Reply
  6. Quite a lengthy list of desires you have you on what men want in relationship from ladies and as a man, I can say you are right. However, I would say that it only depends on the kind of person you are in a relationship with just as people desire different needs in life so do they desire different affection and relationships. 

    Reply
  7. Hey nice article you have there, your thoughts are indeed invaluable. If women could understand the characters and traits of men they are in love with, martial relationship will tend to last longer.

    Men are virtual being, they fall in love from what they see, as a woman you need to maintain the exact shape and character that attracts your man to you any deviation might triggered the man in pulling away.

    Reply
    • Hi Edah,

      Thank you for your comment. I am glad to see that you have found my article invaluable.

      Kind regards,

      Ioana

      Reply
  8. Your article about how to allow your partner to react to the issues that arise in our lives is an interesting perspective.  Often it is hard to react in a positive manner for both partners, and each of you should to take a step backwards, listen, think, and let the heat of the moment cool.  Remembering the suggestions in this article can help you to see things from another angle.  Often this is helpful for allowing both people to think through the whole thing and then talking about the problems.

    Your quote about Loving your partner as they are is a good suggestion, don’t try to change them.  Hard for a female mind as we are always trying to help those we love to be better.  As we work through our life, building a good relationship so that we can react to differences of opinion and still love and respect each other.  Good insight and a good read for filing in your mind till needed. Thanks, Sami

    Reply
    • Hi Sami, 

      I am happy to see that you found my article interesting and helpful. I cannot agree with you more, the hardest challenge for a women is to stop herself from trying to change a man for the better. We do this out of love, however men see our efforts in a different way. Understanding this major differences is important for both men and women. 

      Kind regards,

      Ioana

      Reply
  9. Thank You for sharing!  Lots of great content here that may make sense or it will at least prompt  person to stop and think about what’s really going on in their relationship. 

    The points you make about self confidence in relationships are point on. We can’t expect another person to fix us if we don’t realize what we might need to work on ourselves. 

    Reply
    • Hi Linda, 

      Thank you for your comment. I am glad to see that you found this article insightful. Hope to see you back here.

      Kind regards,

      Ioana

      Reply
  10. Hello there, thanks a lot for sharing this wonderful piece of information here with us. I must say i really did enjoyed going through your article as. I think you are so right with the differences between men and women, one needs to embrace these differences in order to move on with life. Thanks for sharing

    Reply
    • Hi Philebur,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see that you enjoyed reading my article and found the information useful. 

      Kind regards,

      Ioana

      Reply
  11. Helooo,  love advice for women, how men think in relationships… This is really an educational and informative article filled with so much quality content that will really be helpful to women on how to treat their men at each point in time. I am one of those men who basically seek distraction as news, football or games but I prefer to listening to music order to forget about my problems, it gives me a relief.  It is indeed very important for women to be accepting and less demanding with us whenever we are in such situations.

    Reply
    • Hi Sheddy,

      Thank you for your comment. I am glad to see that , as a man, you relate to the content and find it useful. Listening to music is a great way to seek distraction and relax. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Ioana

      Reply
  12. You’re article is very interesting and informative. I really love the content of your articles. Single or couples can learned a lot from it. Understanding the both sides of man and women or the partners. Relationship is something not only you like both but understanding the character good or bad of each other. It’s a matters of acceptance of good and bad side of your partner. Learning from each other and uplifting each other to keep the relationship last longer. Keep inspiring and motivating people to share the love. 

    Reply
    • Hi Lyn,

      Thank you very much for your nice words. I am happy to see that you find my article inspiring and motivating for both people in relationships and singles.

      Wish you all the best,

      Ioana 

      Reply
  13. How I wish every woman will read this piece of information. This is quite informative and educative. Men and women are two different entities so we should try as much as possible as we can to learn from each other.

    I’m a man myself and I could see most of these characters within myself. I love it and I will come back to read more articles on your website. Thank you for sharing 

    Reply
    • Hi Osei,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see that you relate to the article and  that you think every woman should know this information. Please share it with the ones you know. 

      Kind regards,

      Ioana

      Reply
  14. A very big thank you for this amazing article on how men think in a relationship …… I really enjoyed reading this and this is quite very helpful to me….. Some times I get angry seeing  my partner in a bad state and he doesn’t want to tell me what is actually is wrong with him so we end quarreling and probably not talk for a while which isn’t healthy for our relationship… But with this article has given me an insight on how to go about  such attitude from him…. I’m really grateful. 

    Reply
    • Hi Aboribo,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see that you have found this advice useful and it has helped you understand your partner and improve your relationship. 

      Kind regards,

      Ioana

      Reply
  15. Thanks a lot for coming up with such interesting article. You’ve completely nailed it. I’m pretty sure that by the time my girlfriend sees this post she will certainly learn to understand my feelings and appreciate me more.

    I will have to keep checking your website more often to get more of such amazing article.

    Reply

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