In this article, I will explain how men think in relationships, what they desire from their partner and what they need in order to feel loved.
We all know that men and women are different. However, we tend to treat our partner the way we would like to be treated. Read more about the differences between men and women here.
This guide is designed to make you better understand you partner and to show you how to deal with situations that you might think are out of your control.
How men behave when they are in love
” The real power of a man is in the size of the smile of the woman sitting next to him.”- Unkown
When a man is in love, he is willing to be the best he can be for you and becomes motivated to do anything to make you happy. He genuinely feels he has a higher purpose and your happiness makes him happy.
Most men are not even aware of their inner desire to give love to their partner. When he fails to make you happy, he becomes less motivated and more selfish.
Seeing that you are unfulfilled, he might even become depressed and stop caring. Of course, men desire to be loved, but their greatest need is to give love.
How to make him feel loved
”I Love How You Take Care Of Me. How You Keep Working To Be A Better Man. Even On Days I Fail To Be A Better Woman”- Emilia Benjamin
In order to feel loved, a man needs to feel trusted, appreciated and encouraged. He needs your admiration and acceptance. In order to give your partner the love he needs, you have to believe in his abilities and intentions, without trying to change him. Also, show him you appreciate and approve his efforts and behaviour.
Men crave to be admired by the woman they love. Show him admiration and encourage him by expressing confidence in his actions and abilities.
What men value
”Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more.”- Unkown
Men value power, efficiency and competency. They are always looking to achieve goals in order to prove their self-worthiness. They pride themselves when they can carry on a task all by themselves.
When women are trying to advice or assist them, men feel undermined and often criticised. Although you might have the best intention when offering advice and criticism, your partner feels unloved and controlled.
Acting with love, you feel is your duty to improve and change your partner. On the other hand, your partner doesn’t understand this manifestation of love and might feel humiliated by your actions.
Feeling they are needed, motivates men. When they feel they are not appreciated, men tend to give less in the relationship.
How men cope with stress
“Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organise your life around it.”- Brian Tracy
Men deal with stress differently. You might think that when your partner is stressed he wants to talk and share his problems, but instead he will be quiet and absent.
He will focus his attention on solving his problems and he might seem unresponsive and distant towards you. Don’t become offended or take it personally.
In order to forget about his problems, men seek distraction as news, football or games. It is important to be more accepting and less demanding with him in these situations.
Moreover, when you feel he is not providing you with his full attention, try to gain the attention back in an accepting and relaxed manner.
Why men become quiet
“Staying quiet doesn’t mean I have nothing to say, it means I don’t think you’re ready to hear my thoughts.”- Ernest Hemingway
Men become quiet when they need to find a solution to a problem, when they are stressed and upset or when they don’t have an answer to your question or problem.
Women like to talk about their feeling and share all their emotions and thoughts. Men don’t. Your partner needs to first understand and formulate his thoughts inside his mind before they can share it with you.
Learn how to give him time to process the information without assuming the worst. Asking him questions and offering support the way you would like to be supported might upset him even more.
How to support him
”Sometimes you have to love people from a distance and give them the space and time to get their minds right before you let them back into your life.” – Robert Tew
Don’t assume that your partner will feel supported in the same way you do. If you want to really support him, the best thing to do is to give him space without trying to help or nurture him.
Also, don’t feel sorry for him or worry about him. He needs your trust that he can handle the situation without any help.
Unlike women, men don’t like when you are worrying about them. It seems impossible to be happy when your partner is hurting, but this will give him more strength to deal with the problem.
Often, women offer advice and criticism to get what they want in a relationship. Instead, men prefer to hear direct requests in a carrying and mannered way.
Why men pull away?
”When coping with stress men tend to pull away and silently think about what is bothering them”- Ricky Brenn
Men pull away for three different reasons. The first reason is determined by your actions, whereas the other reasons are instinctual.
1. The easiest way to make your partner pull away from you is to try change or improve him. The more you try to change him, the more he resists. And when he resists changing, you assume he doesn’t love you enough.
One way to motivate your partner to change is to let him know your feelings and request him to take them into consideration in future, without demanding change.
2. Even when they are in love, men have a natural instinct to pull away periodically. It is hard to completely understand your partner and not feel hurt when he temporary pulls away as women pull away for different reasons.
Women pull away only when something is wrong with the relationship. Men pull away to re-charge. Once he feels reconnected with himself and fulfils his need for independence, he will come back to you.
Unlike men, women self-worth is elevated when they feel most intimate. This might make it difficult to understand his urge to pull away. But once you do, you will stop feeling powerless.
3. Men tend to pull away at the start of a relationship when they become too close to their partner. When women are ready to fully commit and talk about their deeper feelings, men first instinct is to pull away.
This is scary and confusing if you don’t understand their instinctual urge to pull away. Unaware that you were hurt and you need time and conversation to reconnect, they will try to take the relationship from where they left it.
The right time to talk
”The happiest couples never have the same character. They have the best understanding of their differences.”- Unknown
The most appropriate time to talk with your partner is when he comes back.
You might feel afraid to initiate a conversation when he comes back to you as the last time you opened up, he pulled away. Instead, your expectation is that he will start the conversation when he is ready.
However, in his eyes, nothing is wrong so everything can just get back to normal. This might become extremely frustrating and confusing if you are not familiar with the reasons men pull away.
Share your feelings and emotions and let you partner just listen. Once he has listened and understood you , he will be ready to open up.
I hope this guide helps you understand how men think in relationships, why they pull away and what to do to make them feel loved and supported.
If you have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.
All the best,
(Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists)
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