Men and women in relationships- The 7 key differences

In this article I will explain the 7 key differences between men and women in relationships. In order to nurture and improve your relationship, it is essential to recognize, understand and accept these differences.

When both partners understand how completely different women and men are expressing their feelings and emotions, they can create a loving, cooperating and trustworthy relationship where they feel listened to, supported and loved.

Being unaware of the differences between men and women, your expectations from your partner will be to behave, feel, react and communicate in the same way you do. These can create resentment, judgemental feelings and unjustified demands in your relationship.

More and more people are separating each year or don’t feel fulfilled in their relationship. Unable to grow together and support each other, they lose their love they once felt for each other. Read more about how to build a strong relationship here. 

There are 7 main differences between women and men that if not clearly understood, can become the source of arguments and conflicts in a relationship.

   1. Men try to change women’s feelings and women’s try to change men’s behavior

 

“Instead of ignoring our differences, we need to accept and transcend them.”- Sheryl Sandberg

Men try to change women’s feelings by offering solutions to her problems. When men are active listening to their partner, their primarily concern is to come up with a solution. Yet women only expect empathy, to be listened to and to be understood.

Women try to change men’s behavior by offering advice and criticism. Even in cases where their intentions are good, men feel undermined and criticized. Instead, men desire that their partner accepts them as they are and trusts them to solve the problems.

   2. Men and women are motivated by different things.

 

“Good men are a bit like border collies: we’re happiest when we’re useful. That’s why the life of a good man involves constant striving for direction and meaning.”- Shawn T. Smith.

Whilst men crave to feel needed, women crave to feel cherished.

The more a man feels needed in a relationship, the more he is willing to give. Men need to feel that they are trusted, appreciated and accepted in their love relationship. And when they don’t, they become less motivated and more selfish.  A man’s greatest fear is that he is not good enough for the woman he loves.

Women need to feel that they are cherished in their relationships. When they feel their actions are appreciated and they are respected, they are willing to give more. On the other hand, when they feel their efforts are not appreciated, they become consumed and exhausted. They soon start to feel resentment and frustration towards their partner.

   3. Women and men deal with stress differently

 

“Women tend to communicate early and often about a problem. Men are more likely to view communication as a tool, and when they see it as the wrong tool for the job, they believe it should be stored neatly in the toolbox.” – Shawn T. Smith

When women are stressed they become overwhelmed and emotionally involved. In order to relax, they desire to talk about their problems. Unlike men, they are not ashamed of having problems and they feel good when they share them with their close friends.

The more they share, the better they feel about themselves. Whilst talking about their problems, they become less overwhelmed, able to rationalize and more inclined to find solutions to their problems.

When men are stressed they become withdrawn, decide to pick up the problem that they most believe requires their attention and focus on finding a solution. If they cannot find immediate solutions, they decide they need time to relax and forget about their problems for a short period of time. They choose to engage in activities like watching the news, football or playing a video game. Unlike women, they don’t need to share or seek advice for their problems.

   4. Men and women express their feelings differently

 

“Men most often know what they want, yet they are not always sure how they feel. Women most often know how they feel, yet they may not always know what they want.”- Ken Poirot

Women need to generalize, exaggerate and use figures of speech when they express their feelings and emotions. They use expressions like: ‘you don’t love me anymore’, ‘ we never do x’ or ‘you never listen’ to emphasize their frustration . Men take the complaints literary and express valid counter-arguments. Women get more frustrated that their partners don’t understand the true meaning of what they said and  feel unheard.

On the other hand, men tend to be silent and take time to process information before speaking. And if they don’t have a clear answer, they will stay silent. This can confuse the women even more as they need to share all their thoughts and feelings to better understand the root of their problem. Moreover, when a man is silent, women assume the worst.

   5. Men and women argue for different reasons

 

“You cannot reason people out of a position that they did not reason themselves into.” -Ben Goldacr

Arguments can damage your relationship and make the love fade. On the other side, unspoken words build up and create frustrations and negative feelings towards your partner. It is important to discuss your differences and express feelings in a respectful and direct manner and if possible, try to find together a solution or reach an agreement for your problem.

Men argue when they feel criticized, rejected and unaccepted.  This often happens when a woman tells them what to or how they should behave. Also, when men feel blamed for their partner’s unhappiness, they become less motivated to do things for them. Moreover, when their partner worries about their ability to accomplish a task, they feel they are not trusted.

Women argue when they feel ignored, judged and neglected. They need to feel that they are their partner’s priority and that their partner remembers the things that are important to them. Women need to feel reassured and accepted when they are upset. If they feel they are being criticized rather than accepted, they will feel unsafe to be themselves. Also, when women feel that their partner is not participating in their discussion, they feel disrespected and ignored and become argumentative.

   6. Women and men need different things from their relationships

 

“The hope is that laying out what we understand about essential differences in the minds of men and women may lead to grater acceptance and respect of difference.”- Simon Baron-Cohen

A very common mistake both women and men are making is giving their partner the things they want in the relationship. This way, both feel they are giving everything they can, but they are still unsatisfied and feel their efforts are not appreciated. If both partners understand what their partner most desire in order to feel loved, they can re-direct their efforts towards offering their partner the right kind of love.

In order to feel loved women need to feel cared for, understood, respected and validated. Also, they need to feel their partner is devoted to them and be reassured that they are loved consistently.

On the other hand, men feel they are loved when they feel trusted, accepted and admired. They desire to feel that their efforts are recognized and appreciated. They primarily need is to feel approved and encouraged in their decisions.

     7. Men desire to give, women to receive

 

”Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on.”-Henry Louis Mencken

When it comes to nurturing love, women need many expressions of love from their partner in order to feel fulfilled and loved.  Men don’t often realize how important little gesture of love are for women and mistakenly assume that a major gesture of love can replace them.

On the other hand, men need to feel appreciated for their gestures. When they feel they are taken for granted, they stop giving. Men feel loved when they feel supported and appreciated. The best way to show a man you love him is by showing support and appreciation instead of giving advice or criticizing.

Final thoughts

I hope that this article provided you with the information you were looking for and brought clarity into your life. By understanding, accepting and respecting these main differences between men and women you will be able to nourish and transform your relationship and your life. Read more about the importance of emotional dependency here. 

If you have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.

All the best,

Yoana
lovenote-4u.com

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32 thoughts on “Men and women in relationships- The 7 key differences”

  1. Hi Yoana,

    Thanks very much for this much needed lesson for a great majority of the world’s population.

    Marital discord and other relationship problems are on the increase in every country of the world, and most of the problems emanate simply from failure to recognise these millenia old, biologically determined differences between men and women that you have outlined. And this shortfall does not involve the people in the relationship only, but often also the rescuers who try to offer their advice!

    Your article comes out at a time when many parts of the world are reeling from relationship problems that have arisen as a result of the lockdowns that have been instituted in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. Men and women have found themselves stuck with each other at home for much longer than normal and / or longer than is healthy. The differences under discussion in the article have therefore come to the forefront, as people usually don’t have time to know and interact with each other because of work and other commitments. Arguments about everything and anything have been the order of the day, and domestic violence and other forms of abuse have gone up exponentially like the virus itself.

    So, your article has come at an opportune time. Let’s hope people experiencing problems will be able to lay their eyes on it and, even in those situations where they thought they have reached a point of no return, be healed by the education carried by your writing.

    Reply
    • Hi Teboho,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I am happy to see that you found the article educational and insightful. 

      And I totally agree with you, during lock-down many couples have no other choice that to face their problems and reach a solution. I hope that as many people can reach this article and benefit from understanding these biologically differences between men and women.

      Kind regards,

      Yoana

      Reply
  2. Very interesting article as I have been with my wife for a while and we have built so much chemistry. We are different but at the same time we are very similar. This helps me to understand her even more and be a better husband. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • Hi Chawn,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see that my article contributes to a better understanding in your marriage.

      Wish you all the best,
      Yoana

      Reply
  3. Hello there and thanks for sharing this with us. I do like the 7 differences mentioned, and it is so true that that happens. Many of us fail to understand the difference, and that is why relationships tend to fail sometimes.

    Reply
    • Hi Ashraf,

      Thank you for your comment. It is true, when you understand these differences, your relationship will benefit for it in unimaginable ways.

      Wish you all the best,
      Yoana

      Reply
  4. Thank you so much for this highly informative article, Yoana! We’ve always heard the phrase “men and women are from different planets” and have laughed, but it’s so true! I just had a conversation with a close female friend about not trying to change her man, but learning to love him, pray for him, talk through her feelings and frustrations in a non-condescending, non-patronizing manner, and remember to see the good in her man. We must learn how to communicate with one another, love each other, encourage each other, and uplift each other. When a person, male or female, feels loved, respected, and needed, as you alluded to, that person is more likely to want to do more, to want to do better, and will do so. We have to stop trying to “fix” one another; Great read! God bless you!

    Reply
    • Hi C.N,

      I am pleased to see you found the article highly informative. I totally agree with you. One of the reasons relationships fail is that we try to change our partner. This happens mostly because we don’t understand these biological differences between men and women.

      Wish you all the best,
      Yoana

      Reply
  5. Hey nice article you have there. Thanks for sharing such an interesting topic, your thoughts are indeed invaluable and true. I definitely agrees with you that men and women argues for different reasons, and when this argument comes too frequently, there is bound to be break up. But it is important that when such argument occurs, one of the party needs to let go of the argument at that moment for peace to reign and treat the issue at a more convenient time

    Reply
    • Hi Edahnewton,

      Thank you for your comment. I agree with you, when we are aware of these differences between men and women, we found it easier to let go of the argument and discuss the issue at an appropriate time for both partners.

      Kind regards,

      Yoana

      Reply
  6. Hello dear, thanks for sharing such exclusive information with us, I was actually doing some reviews online when I saw your post, I practically read it to the end before knowing I’ve done so because your choice of words and writing skills are so amazing,  thanks for the info, I’ll surely do some recommendation

    Reply
    • Hi Skuchmane,

      Thank you very much for your comment and deciding to share my article. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  7. Hello there,  thanks for this very detailed and inspiring post, it is very important to know the difference between men and women in any relationship in other not to chase shadows,  worthy of note is when you said that men an women are motivated by different things,  I have experienced this and if I had known this a little bit earlier I would have made some adjustment but still,  its not too late.

    Reply
    • Hi Jomata,

      I am happy to see that you enjoyed my article. And as you said, it is never too late to learn something new and apply the knowledge.

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  8. This is really an interesting post

    It is well known that men and women communicate in a different way, but the way you analyzed it, is so accurate and deep.

    In general, every point you analyzed is good, but I loved reading the fifth. It is something I’ve never thought about, but it will definitively help me the next time I’ll face such situation.

    Thank you very much.

    Have a great day,

    Andrea

    Reply
    • Hi Andrea,

      I am happy to see that you liked the way the article analysed the differences between men and women.  And number 5 is very important as it can help us avoid arguments and misunderstandings by understanding our partner’s  triggers. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  9. Thank you for writing this post. As I was going through it I couldn’t help but relate to all of these things. I think the struggle for many couples (myself and my wife included) is that they don’t seek to understand each other and what their spouse’s needs really are. We have learned that in order for relationships to function at a higher level and for a connection to grow, there has to be communication. Thanks again, as this was extremely helpful!

    Reply
    • Hi Steve,

      I am happy to see that my article helped you better understand your partner and her needs. And I agree with you completely, communication in a relationship is extremely important. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  10. I think we all must refer to this article, regardless of the fact that whether they are in a relationship or not. I cannot appreciate the author enough for coming up with this extremely beautiful post. It is so essential to have a balanced view of ourselves and our partners for a nurturing relationship. The author has highlighted some really basic and important differences between men and women when they are in a relationship. This is a boon for every person. It is going to help so many people understand their partners a lot more and have more accepting behavior towards them!. 

    Reply
    • Hi Samantha,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I am happy to see you found this post not only insightful, but also beautiful. I’m also hoping to help as many people as possible, so please feel free to share this article with people that you believe might benefit from the information presented here.

      Kind regards,

      Yoana

      Reply
  11. Hello there, thanks a lot for sharing this wonderful piece of information here with us. I must say i really did enjoyed going through your article. I really think the best way to maintain ones relationship is when there is trust between each other and also respects for one another and also good communication between both parties

    Reply
    • Hi Philebur,

      Thank you for your comment. I agree with you, trust, respect and communication are as important as realising these differences between men and women. 

      Kind regards,

      Yoana

      Reply
  12. This was an interesting read and I agree with almost everything you say here. Do you believe that all men and women fit into these descriptions or are there some people that fit outside the boxes?

    Reply
    • Hi Catherine,

      Thank you for your comment. I believe that most men and women fit into these descriptions to a certain extent. However, we need to take into consideration someone’s own characteristics, emotional needs, desires and personal experiences.

      Kind regards,
      Yoana

      Reply
  13. Hi Yoana,
    This is a great post. In the modern world we are under so much stress and how men and women deal with stress impacts our relationship. I haven’t seen any article that shed light in this area and explain the differences in how man and women deal with stress so well.
    Well done

    Reply
    • Hi Ali,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see that you my article brought to light the differences between how men and women deal with stress. It is crucial to understand these differences in order to understand our partner at a deeper level and be able to support them.

      Wish you all the best,
      Yoana

      Reply
  14. This article did indeed provide me with much needed clarity. I read somewhere that the way you meet a man is exactly the same way he’d be. The red flags,inconsistencies,all!. Mostly women tend to believe that they can change a man’a behaviour. I’ve come to realize that a man changes only when he wants and when there’s much more important stuff at stake.

    Reply
    • Hi David,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see that you enjoyed this article and offered you clarity.

      Kind regards,

      Yoana

      Reply
  15. Man and women are totally different. They will meet and understand because of the love they have for each other. Man can’t change woman same woman can’t change man. The denominator of all is love, respect, acceptance and understanding. That denominator will make them one in one goal…to stay in love for each other. Keep it up sharing your love thoughts! ❤️❤️❤️

    Reply
    • Hi Lyn,

      Thank you for your comment. You are right, men and women are different and neither of us can change the opposite sex. All we can do is to accept, understand and love each other. 

      Wish you all the best,

      Yoana

      Reply
  16. Wow! I really enjoyed this article. It has helped me a great deal. I now have more understanding on how my girlfriend’s mind work and how she would want to be loved and treated. 

    Reading your articles has really helped strengthen the bond between me and my partner. It really means a lot to me and i’m grateful.

    Reply
    • Hi Hillary,

      I am happy to see that you enjoyed reading this article and that you find my articles  of great help for your relationship. Thank you very much. 

      Kind regards,

      Yoana

      Reply

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