The dating guide for men

In this article I will teach you simple and efficient ways to become more attractive to women. I would also underline what women find unattractive and what behaviours you should definitely avoid.

This guide will help you be more attractive to women by simply being yourself and learning how to make the most of your abilities. Read more about how to attract and keep women here.

Understanding what women are looking for in a serious relationship and what attitudes and behaviours will give them the right signals is crucial for improving your dating experience and attracting the woman you are looking for.


What women find attractive?

‘’Most women find a man with good manners sexy.’’- Candice Swanepoel

Being a man of action, not a man of words. Taking initiative and respecting your promises are traits that women look for into a man. Showing that you mean what you say, that you lead the way and have a plan make women feel cared for and protected. Call when you said you would, pick her up, book your date, show up in time and don’t cancel plans. This will show her that she can rely on you.

Being respected by other people. Know your priorities, what you want you and don’t let anyone to treat you with lack of respect. Women are attracted to men that are admired and respected by other people, especially their friends.

Security. Women like men who make them feel secure. Emotional security is even more important than financial security. Be reliable, show up on time and don’t cancel your dates.

Being sensitive and caring. Women who are looking for a long-term partner are unconsciously looking for a man who can be great father. Being good with children or just being nice and caring with other people are attractive traits. Women almost always pay attention of how you treat the waiter on a date.

Confidence. Confidence is unquestionably one of the things women are looking for in a man. Walk with purpose, stand straight and look like you know what you are doing. A confident man gives a woman the feeling that he will take care of her whatever happens. Women are attractive to men they can trust. The way you carry yourself, handle situations and take decisions can say a lot about your level of confidence.

Smile. Research has found that when someone sees a smiling face it activates an area in their brain that is linked with feelings of reward. Unconsciously, people smile back when someone smiles at them. This releases high levels of dopamine and serotonin which can lift their mood, lower their stress levels and boost their immune system.

Keeping your body healthy and in good shape. This projects social status and women are attractive to high standards in men. Take care of your physique. You don’t need to overdo it, but don’t hesitate to go to the gym regularly.

Dressing well. One of the easiest way to get a woman attention is to dress well. Taking pride in your appearance is something women are looking for in a man.

Beards. Most women are attractive to men with beards. However, short-length beards and good grooming are preferred.

A good sense of humour. Women like to be around men who make them laugh and feel comfortable. They want a fun and happy life, so they like men who have a cheerful approach to life that don’t take it too seriously. However, most women prefer a subtle humour. Looking at everything with a sense of humour or always having something funny to say can project unreliability and be unattractive.

Being adventurous. Women like a man who wants to do and see new things, that is not afraid of change and that can take risks. Step out of your comfort zone and do something spontaneous on your dates!

Ambition and passion. Be passionate about what you do. If you find a career path that you are passionate about, regardless of your choice, your enthusiasm and charisma will shine through. Also, being passionate about a hobby or an activity you enjoy it is also attractive.

Trustworthiness. Women don’t like men that they cannot trust. Show her that she can trust you and do what you said you will. Don’t give her reasons to doubt you. If a woman does not trust you, she will become insecure, anxious and jealous. She will never be completely happy with you if she doesn’t completely trust you to be there for her, be faithful and always have her back.

Good listening skills. This shows that you care about her and her feelings. Women like to feel heard, valued and respected. So ask questions about the subject she was talking about to show that you have been listening.



What women find unattractive

‘’Insecurity isn’t an attractive quality in a man.’’- Ingrid Weir

Arrogance. Often confused with confidence, arrogance has the opposite effect for women. There is nothing that turns them away faster than being arrogant. A man who only talks about himself is extremely unattractive.

Being self-obsessed. There is nothing more attractive that good personal hygiene. However, it is a big difference between a man taking care of himself or being self-obsessed. No woman wants to be with a guy that takes more time getting ready than she does.

Cursing. Women are attractive to men that have a good vocabulary and the constant use of profanity is an indicator of poor vocabulary. If you find yourself swearing even when you have a nice and polite conversation, maybe is time to address this issue.

Being a mama’s boy. It is sweet for a man to care and respect his mum, but when she is infringing in his personal life and still influences his decisions is extremely unattractive. Women like to look up to their partner and being with a man who is emotionally attached to his mother can come in the way of this. They want someone who is reliable, who will put their needs first and who would treat them as their priority.

Having bad manners. Having bad table manners, texting at the table or being rude to waiters is immature and impolite. Men that need to be reminded of their manners are definitely not scoring any points with women.

Smoking and heavy drinking. There is nothing sexy about having a bad cigarette breath or being a heavy drinker. There is nothing wrong with having a few drinks and loosen up, but getting drunk and not being in control, embarrassing yourself or become aggressive is extremely unattractive.

Constantly playing video games. Women associate playing video games with children, immaturity and unreliability. Men who spend too much time playing video games seem unmotivated and bad communicators.

Laziness and lack of motivation. Having no personal goals, no passions, no interest or no plans for the future are unattractive traits that women always avoid in men.


Final thoughts

I hope this article helped you realise what attitudes and behaviours women find attractive and which are those they find unattractive. I wish you all the best in your dating journey! I would also recommend reading the following article: How to master flirting.

If you have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.

All the best,


  (Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists)

For counselling and coaching appointments scan the QR code or press here. 

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11 thoughts on “The dating guide for men”

  1. Hi Ioana,

    So, that’s where I’ve been going wrong, LOL. No, I joke.

    I’m happily in a relationship, but I was still intrigued enough to read what you had to say.

    I can only go from personal experience, but I’ve often been told that my confidence and sense of humour is a huge plus.

    Additonally, I naturally try to follow all the positive attributes you mention.

    I totally agree that arrogance can be extremely off-putting and there is definitely a fine-line between confidence and arrogance.

    Funnily enough, I would have said that I was a bit of a “mummy’s boy”, but I’ve never let it infringe on my relationships.

    I was probably just more loving and paid more attention to my mother than most guys do, but not in a way that anyone would actually label me a “mummy’s boy”.

    I would also say that the vast majority of the “things women find unattractive” would pretty much repel anyone.

    A great read and I’ve definitely learned a few things.


    • Hi Partha,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy that you enjoyed reading my article and you have learned new things even though you are in a relationship (Most of the tips apply for people in relationships as well).

      All the best,

  2. From a woman perspective you have got this bang on and every man should read this and take notes!! Every woman just wants a reliable, well mannered, mature man and there is definitely nothing more unattractive than a rude, potty mouthed mummy’s boy.
    Another great article, looking forward too the next.

    • Hi Amy,

      Thank you very much for your comment. Let’s hope the article finds its way to the men that need it the most. I hope to see you back here soon.

      Kind regards,

  3. Being a woman, I can view things from the other side and I can agree with all the points you listed here. Although almost all these can be expected to a certain level from a woman, as well . Well, except the beard, of course.
    There are people who are the copy you described here, and others who are the opposite and they probably have difficulties to maintain a relationship. Everyone wants to feel good in the company of the opposite sex, so, yes, all of these apply 😉 Well done.

    • Hi Ryan,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I am happy that you enjoyed reading my article and found the advice useful. Hope to see you back here soon.

      Kind regards,

  4. Hi Ioana,

    As a guy who recently went through a breakup with my girlfriend of 4 years, I’ve been hesitant to get back into the dating scene. You provide some very interesting points on how to present yourself as your BEST self. I knew bears were preferred but honestly had no idea short beards were preferred over long beard, though a groomed beard is an obvious must. I think the skill I need the most work on is my listening skills. I have a terrible case of ADHD so it is very hard for me to stay engaged in any conversation – definitely gonna have to change that! Thanks for the great post!

    • Hi Dev,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see that my article has helped you regain confidence and provided you with useful tips to start dating again. I am sure you can work on your listening skills. It is important to recognize this is an issue you are facing. Honesty goes a long way and if you let your date know about your ADHD I am sure she will understand the situation. 

      All the best,


  5. Easily summarized: women are attracted to men who are good people who are secure in themselves, haha! And I think it’s much the same the other way around. You’d be surprised about video games, though. After all there are many men who do it for a living on YouTube and Twitch.

    What do you think is the most important quality for you? For me, it’s definitely having sound values; knowing that I am with a person who very much has a deep and profound respect for other people, even he has difficulties in other areas because of previous experiences and his health.

    • Hi Christina,

      Thank you for your comment. In regards to video games, I wasn’t referring to  men who make a living out of it. That is admirable and definitely not the type of person I mentioned in my article. 

      As of qualities, I think having strong values, being trustworthy and honest are the most important. Of course, respect, great listening skills and being kind and caring are also as important. 

      Kind regards,



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