The dating guide for women

In this article I will teach you simple and efficient ways to become more attractive to men. I would also underline the reasons why men pull away and explain how to avoid this next time you are dating someone.

The guide below will help you become more attractive by simply being yourself. You will identify your strengths and weaknesses and what might have gone wrong in the past.

Understanding what men are looking for in a serious relationship and what attitudes and behaviours will give them the right signals is crucial for improving your dating experience and attracting the man you are looking for. Read more about how to find the perfect man for you and how to attract the man of your dreams.

How to become more attractive

”You become more attractive when you love yourself. You attract the right things when you have a sense of who you are.”- Amy Poehler

Be positive, have a great time and connect to the person in front of you. People who are naturally happy and positive are more attractive than people who take everything too seriously. Being a great company and making the other person feel relaxed it is an attractive trait that you should not underestimate.

Smile. Research has found that when someone sees a smiling face it activates an area in their brain that is linked with feelings of reward. Unconsciously, people smile back when someone smiles at them. This releases high levels of dopamine and serotonin which can lift their mood, lower their stress levels and boost their immune system.

Be confident. Men are attracted to women that are confident, know what they want from a relationship and are not willing to lower their values and expectations. Confidence transmits the massage that you have options, which increases your level of attractiveness. Men like to be challenged and are very competitive. The opposite effect of confidence, insecurity, transmits the message that you have very limited options and make men feel less attracted to you.

Be honest. When men look for a long term relationship, one of the traits they are unconsciously looking for is honesty. Don’t try to hide your insecurities and pretend you are something you are not. Be yourself and honest about whom you are.

Be spontaneous and have fun. Men find being spontaneous and energetic very attractive. Adult life is serious, full of responsibilities, commitments and dull moments. Take the positive side of the situation and make it a moment to remember.

Be the source of your happiness. Do the things you enjoy doing, have your own complete life, your own friends, your own hobbies. Men are attracted to women who are independent and can take control over their own lives.

Wear red. Research has found that men are sexually attractive to women who wear red.

What push men away?

”You will never have to push anything that is meant to be”- Anonymous.

Playing games. A real man can always sense if you are not honest with him and try to play games. If you are looking for a long-term relationship, playing games should be out of the question. Be your real, authentic you and the right man will be drawn to your real personality.

Being aloof. Showing no interest and playing hard to get won’t get you anywhere. Men don’t invest in relationships where they feel they don’t have a chance. Men hate rejection, so showing interest to the right degree is important.

Treating him as if he is too good to be true. This behaviour will scare men away. They need to know that you will love them regardless of their imperfections and for who they really are.

Taking advantage of his financial situation. Expecting him to pay for everything, buy you gifts and always take you out at his cost is unappealing even when they can afford it. Men need to know that you can build something together and be with him regardless of his financial situation. Treat him with gratitude and don’t act as if you are entitled. Offer to pay for meals or split the bill even though he won’t let you do it. Your intentions matter the most.

Lacking belief in his abilities. Men need to feel that they are in control and that you believe in his abilities to accomplish anything they want. Don’t act as if you know better, they will feel intimated and their primarily need to protect and provide will be challenged. Feeling insecure around you will drive them away.

Rushing into a relationship. Let him figure it out that he wants to be with you. Let him know that you are interested but don’t act as if you are in a relationship too soon. Men like to feel they are the ones that take the relationship to the next step. Give him space, let him call you first, let him arrange the next date. Don’t rush things as men have this natural instinct to pull away when things are progressing too fast. Be patient, the right man for you will not hesitate to show you that he is interested.

Talking about your ex or past relationships. Your current dating partner does not want to hear why your relationships in the past did not work. Answer honestly if they ask you anything about your last relationship, but avoid going into details.

Talking about yourself in excess. You are here to get to know another person and to find out what values, activities and hobbies you might have in common. Avoid making the date about yourself, instead focus on your compatibility.

Drinking too much. Although a few cocktails might help you loosen up and be less nervous about the date, don’t get drunk and lose control completely over your actions and emotions.

Dominating the date. If you are dating a man, let him be a man and take control over the date. Let the date flow naturally and be yourself. Let go of the expectations and control.

Talking about serious commitment, marriage or children. This conversation should be at early stages in the relationship, but avoid having it too soon as it will scare them away.

Being on your phone during the date. It is disrespectful when you are on a date with someone to keep checking your phone. Put the phone in your bag and give the person in front of you your undivided attention.


Final thoughts

I hope this article helped you realise what attitudes and behaviours push men away and how to become more attractive for them. I wish you all the best in your dating journey!
I would also recommend reading the following article: How to master flirting.

If you have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.

All the best,


  (Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists)

For counselling and coaching appointments scan the QR code or press here.


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12 thoughts on “The dating guide for women”

  1. Hi Ioana,

    It is funny or perhaps interesting that I have so far always followed the advice you listed in this article without even knowing about it. I have always been myself. I have obviously made mistakes, like we all do, but I think I followed all these points to a T 🙂 I guess I must have dated the wrong guys 😉 I am, however, very independent, and I find that some men are initimidated by that. It makes them feel insecure … I think it also depends on what kind of culture you are living in; some cultures are more macho and others give more freedom to women. I happen to live in a macho society … 🙁 There are men who love a woman who is independent, but unfortunately I have not come across such a man yet. He has to be out there somewhere 🙂

    • Hi Christine,

      Thank you for your comment. I believe than most of the man who don’t appreciate an independent woman are the ones who are insecure. I am sure you will find a man that will appreciate and admire you for being independent. And yes,culture plays an important role, but I am positive that such men exist everywhere.

      Wish you all the best,

  2. Hi Ioana,

    Being confident & positive and smile are the keys for a perfect date. No one wants to date with someone who brings unhappiness, right? I also like the things that push men away from you because you do provide true value and good advice here.
    When I date someone, I will try my best to behave like I am going to a very important job interview but with romance, so I know sometimes I need to hold myself without sharing too much information & listen to the one you date carefully.
    Except for wearing red, 80% of things you share here also work for men. 🙂


    • Hi Matt,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see that you found the advice of true value. And yes, most of the advice applies to men as well but I am in the process of writing an exclusive article for them. So please keep checking my website for my next article.

      All the best,

  3. Hey Ioana!
    Your article is very interesting.. I kind of see myself in all the ‘ what scares men away” section about 20 years ago when I first started dating! I was so insecure, and at the same time looking for sth serious, that I scared them all away 🙂
    Could have used that info back then.
    Thank you for sharing!

  4. I have to say that I have been married for some time now but when we go out and about I am a people watcher. I like to observe other people’s actions and how they interact together. I do not think I would be alone in saying that the most annoying habit I see time and time again is people not being able to function or hold a decent conversation without holding and looking at a device. I say device because it is not always a phone, although for most adults it is. I hope that more people read this and put your great list into action.

  5. Hi Ioana! As a man, although I am married, I am still pleased to read your article. I think it is fascinating to have the opportunity to read an article that teaches women how to date from a female perspective. I think some of these suggestions also apply to men, like positive, smile, confidence.

    • Hi Sam,

      Thank you for your comment. I am happy to see that you enjoyed reading my article and that you find the advice in the article useful. 

      Kind regards,


  6. Simply be yourself, best advice ever. Why is it that men find red so attractive. I am married now, have been for five years, but if I ever want something special with my man I put on something red, if we ever go dress shopping together he encourages me to wear red. It is strange, but it suits me so I don’t mind. 

    Be the source of your own happiness. I like that. Being married isn’t an end-all, we have to keep trying, keep flirting and keep acting like we did when courting to keep the love alive. 

    • Hi Kelly,

      Thank you for your comment. It is scientifically proven than men are attracted to red, but I don’t know the actual reasons behind this discovery.

      I cannot agree more with you, flirting is essential even in marriage to keep the romance alive. 

      Kind regards,



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